d face of the man
at the back of the hall. You feel that the audience is vaguely hostile.

At one time I used to go straight into my subject . . . "Ladies and
gentlemen, the subject of evolution has occupied the minds of--" Then
the audience began to rustle, and the women turned to look at the hats
behind them.

Nowadays I am more wary. I stand up and gaze over the sea of faces for
a full minute. There is absolute silence. I put my hands into my
trouser pockets and gaze at the ceiling, as if I were considering
whether I should go on or give it up and go home. Even the boys at the
back of the hall begin to look towards the platform.

Then I look down and find that my tie is hanging out of my waistcoat,
and I adjust it. A girl of ten giggles.

"What can you expect for fivepence half-penny?" I ask, and the audience
gasps.

"Why doesn't someone invent a long tie that won't come out at the
ends?" I ask wearily, and there is a laugh. I go on from ties to
collars, and there is another laugh. After that I can speak on
education for two hours, and everyone in the hall will listen with
great attention.

The first thing in public speaking is to get on good terms with your
audience, and I claim that the best way to do this is to show them the
human side of yourself. Some of your hearers are agin you; they have
come out to criticise you. You disarm them at once by treating
yourself as a joke. Of course you must suit your tactics to your
audience. The tie remark will put me on good terms with a rural
audience, but it would fail in a lecture to teachers in the Albert Hall.

An important thing to remember is that crowd humour is quite different
from individual humour. A crowd will roar with delight if the lecturer
accidentally knocks over the drinking glass on the table, but no
individual ever laughs when a similar accident happens in a private
room. Read the reports of speeches in the House of Commons. You will
read that Lloyd George, in a speech, says: "And now let us turn to
Ireland (loud laughter)." But in cold print it isn't a very good joke.

Quite a good way of commencing a lecture is to tell a short story . . .
about the chairman if possible. But you must be careful. Keep off the
topic of the chairman's marital affairs; he may have lodged a divorce
petition the week before.

On second thoughts I think it better not to mention the chairman at
all. Last winter the local mayor was presiding at a lec