ich bagged at the knees.
When the New Woman woke, she felt strange and ill at ease;
She began to wonder those skirts for to spy,
And cried, "Oh, goodness gracious! I'm sure this isn't I!
But if it is I, as I hope it be,
I know a little vulgar boy, and he knows me;
And if it is I, he will jeer and rail,
But if it isn't I, why, to notice me he'll fail."
So off scorched the New Woman, all in the dark,
But as the little vulgar boy her knickers failed to mark,
He was quite polite, and she began to cry,
"Oh! Jimmy doesn't cheek me, so I'm sure this _isn't_ I!"

* * * * *

THE PACE THAT KILLS

Have a care how you speed!
Take the motorist's case:--
On his tomb you can read,
"Requiescat in pace."

* * * * *

Illustration: LIFE'S LITTLE IRONIES.--

_Motorist._ "Conductor! How can I strike the Harrow road?"

_Conductor._ "'Arrer road? Let's see. Second to right, third to--it's a
good way, sir. I tell 'ee, sir. Just follow that green bus over there;
that'll take you right to it!"

* * * * *

WONDERS ON WHEELS

(_By an Old Beginner_)

Wonder if my doctor was right in ordering me to take this sort of
exercise.

Wonder whether I look very absurd while accepting the assistance of an
attendant who walks by my side and keeps me from falling by clutches at
my waistbelt.

Wonder whether it would have been better to go to Hyde Park instead of
Battersea.

Wonder whether the policeman, the postman, the nurse with the
perambulator, the young lady reading the novel, and the deck passengers
on the passing steamboat are laughing at me.

Wonder whether I shall keep on now that my attendant has let go.

Wonder whether the leading wheel will keep straight on until we have
passed that lamp-post.

Wonder whether the next spill I have will be less painful than the last.

Wonder why mats are not laid down by the County Council in the roads
for the comfort of falling cyclists.

Wonder why the cycle suddenly doubled up and landed me in the gutter.

Wonder whether the pretty girl in the hat, whose face is hidden by a
novel, smiled at my misadventure.

Wonder whether the person who has just come to grief over yonder is
using good language or words of an inferior quality.

Wonder whether my attendant is right in urging me to remount and have
another try.

Wonder whether I look well wobbling.

Won