ng and screaming,
Snorting and shaking,
Quivering, quaking,
Skidding and slipping,
Twisting and tripping,
Bumping and bounding,
Puffing and pounding,
Rolling and rumbling,
Thumping and tumbling.
Such I've a notion,
Motor-car motion.

* * * * *

Illustration: ADDING INSULT TO INJURY

_Cyclist_ (_to Foxhunter, thrown out_), "Oi say, Squoire, 'ave you seen
the 'ounds?"

* * * * *

Illustration: TRUE PHILOSOPHY.--_Ploughman._ "Ah, things be different
like wi' them an' us. They've got a trap wi' no 'osses, an' we 'm got
'osses wi' no trap."

* * * * *

Illustration: THE RECKLESS ONE

_Wife of Injured Cyclist_ (_who, having found considerable difficulty in
getting on his bicycle, and none whatever in coming off, has never
ventured to attempt more than three miles in the hour_). "Well, I do
believe he's had a lesson at last! I warned him about 'scorching.' I
said to him, what have _you_ got to do with the 'record'?"

* * * * *

Illustration: AN INOPPORTUNE TIME

Jones, while motoring to town to fulfil an important engagement, has the
misfortune to get stuck up on the road, and has sent his chauffeur to
the village for assistance. In the meantime several village children
gather around and sing, "God rest you, merry gentleman, let nothing you
dismay," etc.

* * * * *

The Great Motor Mystery.--At Lancaster two motorists were fined,
according to the _Manchester Evening News_, "for driving a motor-car
over a trap near Carnforth, at twenty-nine and thirty-four miles per
hour respectively." We are of the opinion that the action of the second
gentleman in driving at so high a speed over the poor trap when it was
already down was not quite in accordance with the best traditions of
English sport.

* * * * *

Illustration: BREAKING IT GENTLY.--

_Passer-by._ "Is that your pork down there on the road, guv'nor?"

_Farmer._ "Pork! What d'ye mean? There's a pig o' mine out there."

_Passer-by._ "Ah, but there's a motor-car just been by."

* * * * *

Illustration: EXCLUSIVE.--

_Fair Driver._ "Will you stand by the pony for a few minutes, my good
man?"

_The Good Man._ "Pony, mum? No, I'm a motor-minder, I am. 'Ere, Bill!
'Orse."

* * * * *