Court,
Where, undisturbed by sharp "Pip, pip!"
My nimble numbers lightly trip,
And country peace I find again
In Chancery and Fetter Lane.

* * * * *

VEHICULAR PROGRESSION.--_Mr. Ikey Motor_ (_to customer_). Want a
machine, sir? Certainly, we've all sorts to suit your build.

_Customer._ It isn't for me, but for my mother-in-law.

_Mr. Ikey Motor._ For your mother-in-law! How would a steam roller suit
her?

[Mr. I. M. _is immediately made aware that the lady in question has
overheard his ill-timed jest, while the customer vanishes in blue
fire._

* * * * *

EXPERTO CREDE.--What is worse than raining cats and dogs?--Hailing motor
omnibuses.

* * * * *

Illustration: COMPREHENSIVE.--_Owner_ (_as the car starts backing down
the hill_). "Pull everything you can see, and put your foot on
everything else!"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Farmer_ (_in cart_). "Hi, stop! Stop, you fool! Don't
you see my horse is running away?"

_Driver of Motor-car_ (_hired by the hour_). "Yes, it's all very well
for you to say 'stop,' but I've forgotten how the blooming thing
works!"

* * * * *

Illustration: SIMPLE ENOUGH

_Yokel_ (_in pursuit of escaped bull, to Timmins, who is "teaching
himself"_). "Hi, Mister! If yer catch hold of his leading-stick, he
can't hurt yer!"

* * * * *

ANTI-BICYCLIST MOTTO.--Rather a year of Europe than a cycle of to-day.

* * * * *

MOTTO FOR THOSE WHO "BIKE."--"And wheels rush in where horses fear to
tread."

* * * * *

Illustration: A CASE OF MISTAKEN IDENTITY.--

_Major Mustard_ (_who has been changing several of his servants_). "How
dare you call yourself a chauffeur?"

_Alfonsoe._ "Mais non! Non, monsieur! Je ne suis pas 'chauffeur.' J'ai
dit que je suis le chef. Mais monsieur comprehend not!"

* * * * *

CYCLES! CYCLES!! CYCLES!!!

SOMETHING ABSOLUTELY NEW

THE LITTLE HANDLE-BAR SPRING

NO MORE ACCIDENTS! NO MORE STOLEN CYCLES!

All our bicycles are fitted with the Little Handle-Bar Spring, which,
when pressed, causes the machine to fall into 114 pieces.

Anyone can press the spring, but it takes an expert three months to
rebuild it, thus trebling the life of a bicycle.