of her machine_).
"Oh, oh, Harry! Please get into a bank soon. I must have something soft
to fall on!"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Miss Heavytopp._ "I'm afraid I'm giving you a lot of
bother, but then, it's only my _first_ lesson!"

_Exhausted Instructor_ (_sotto voce_). "I only hope it won't be my
_last_!"

* * * * *

Illustration: SORROWS OF A "CHAUFFEUR"

_Ancient Dame._ "What d'ye say? They call he a 'shuvver,' do they? I
see. They put he to walk behind and shove 'em up the hills, I reckon."

* * * * *

A CYCLE OF CATHAY.--_The Yorkshire Evening Post_, in reporting the case
of a motor-cyclist charged with travelling at excessive speed on the
highway at Selby, represents a police-sergeant as stating that "he timed
defendant over a distance of 633 years, which was covered in 64 secs."
The contention of the defendant that he had been "very imperfectly
timed" has an air of captiousness.

* * * * *

"Many roads in the district are unfit for motorists," is the report of
the Tadcaster surveyor to his council. We understand the inhabitants
have resolved to leave well alone.

* * * * *

At a meeting of the Four Wheeler's Association, a speaker boasted, with
some justification, that a charge which is brought every day against
drivers of motor-cars has never been brought against members of their
Association, namely, that of driving at an excessive speed.

* * * * *

Rumour is again busy with the promised appearance of a motor-bus which
is to be so quiet that you will not know that there is one on the road
until you have been run over.

* * * * *

Illustration: AN UNPARDONABLE MISTAKE.--_Short-sighted Old Lady._
"Porter!"

* * * * *

Illustration: NOSCE TEIPSUM.--_Lady Cyclist_ (_touring in North
Holland_). "What a ridiculous costume!"

* * * * *

Illustration: _Sporting Constable_ (_with stop-watch--on "police trap"
duty, running excitedly out from his ambush, to motorist just nearing
the finish of the measured furlong_). "For 'evin's sake, guv'nor, let
'er rip, and ye'll do the 220 in seven and a 'arf!"

* * * * *

MY MOTOR CAP

[Motor-caps, we are informed, have created such a vogue in t