dining room, and after he took his coat off, put a
large white apron on him and gave him a few instructions. We had five
kinds of meat, and I posted him thoroughly as to what he should say to
the guests.

Directly I called dinner, and the tables were soon filled.

The Doctor watched from the kitchen for the cue from me to make a start.
When I gave it he entered in his shirt-sleeves, with the large apron
on, carrying an immense tray in one hand and his gold-headed cane in the
other, and had forgotten to take his plug hat off. It was setting on the
back of his head, and his appearance was grotesque in the extreme.

He gave me a look of disgust as he marched in, and faltered for a
moment, as though not quite certain where to commence. Then he made
another start, and stepping up to the nearest man, rested the tray on
the back of his chair, and stood partially leaning on his cane; and
looking over his glasses, said:

"Roast beef, roast mutton, roast--well, roast mutton, roast meat,
roast-- ---- it! we have twenty-one different kinds of meat. What'll you
have?"

By this time I had been forced to leave the room for laughter, returning
as soon as I could command myself. The Doctor was up to his ears in
business. Perspiring profusely, and much excited, he still hung to his
cane and plug hat. He was absolutely the most comical sight I had ever
witnessed.

When I met the Doctor at the kitchen door, with the tray piled up with
several orders, he took time to say:

"---- it! I thought you said the landlady was going to help."

For fear he would quit, I ran to the stair-way and called her. She came
down, and I explained as quickly as possible, and she said she would
help; and putting on an apron, began work immediately.

We had Lima beans for dinner, and being a little short on them, were
obliged to dish them out in small quantities. The Doctor served one man
who, with one swoop, took into his mouth all he had, in one spoonful,
and immediately handed his dish back to the Doctor, saying:

"Here, waiter, bring me another bean!"

[Illustration: HERE, WAITER, BRING ME ANOTHER BEAN.--PAGE 312.]

The Doctor struck a dramatic attitude, and glared over his
spectacles--one hand clasped the middle of his cane, and his plug hat
poised side-wise on the back of his head, and he shouted excitedly:

"Sir, I want you to understand _we_ know _how_ many beans there was in
that dish. Besides, I'm--I'm--I'm no ---- table waiter, and I dem