pectacles on, his hat gone, a large piece torn from his fine
swallow-tailed coat, and to all appearances he had just emerged from the
sewer.

"Great Heavens! Doctor; what is up?" I asked.

"Don't say a word! don't say a word!" he cried. "Get me to my room,
quick, before any one sees me."

"Where is your hat?" I asked.

"Over to the washerwoman's," he gasped.

"And your cane--what has become----"

"Great Heavens! sure enough," he interrupted. "I forgot that. It's on
her table. And my spectacles--the Lord knows where they are! But get me
out of this, quick; and hurry over there and fix it."

"Fix what?" I asked. "What did she say, Doctor?"

"Good! all I heard her say was: 'What will my poor Mike do for his
dinner?' and then she--never mind what she said, but hurry up."

I then said to him:

"Doctor, you go right through the dining room and on up-stairs to your
room, and I'll go over and see if I can find what there is left of you."

He asked if there were no back stairs. I said yes, but they were very
dark. I then led him to the back stair-way, and offered to accompany him
to his room. But he said I should hurry over there and fix things. So,
after explaining to him the back-stair route to his room, I was about to
close the door on him, when he placed his hand on his head and said:

"My! just feel of this bunch. And I guess my hat is ruined, Hurry over
and see about it, quick."

I closed the stair-way door and started across the back yard. When not
more than six or eight rods away, I heard a noise at the house that
startled me. One of the girls came running out, and screamed for me to
come back, quick.

By the time I arrived there they had succeeded in hauling the Doctor out
from the entrance to the stair-way, and he was completely deluged with
slops.

He began swearing and cursing the chambermaid, and cursed me for hiring
a Dutchman to do the work.

He then explained that after getting about two-thirds up the stairs, he
had concluded to give it up and go the front way; and while descending
he had come on the opposite side from that which he had ascended, and
had stepped on a bucket filled with slops; and as a result he had landed
at the very bottom of the stairs, with the contents all over him.

"Well, Doctor," said I, leading him to his room, "you are the most
horrible-looking sight I ever beheld. It will be terrible, if the
landlady comes home on the noon train."

"Good ----!" he faltered, "do yo