possible! I must change.

PATIOMKIN. Nonsense! You shall come just as you are. You shall show her
your calves later on.

EDSTASTON. But it will take me only half an hour to--

PATIOMKIN. In half an hour it will be too late for the petit lever.
Come along. Damn it, man, I must oblige the British ambassador, and the
French ambassador, and old Fritz, and Monsieur Voltaire and the rest of
them. [He shouts rudely to the door.] Varinka! [To Edstaston, with tears
in his voice.] Varinka shall persuade you: nobody can refuse Varinka
anything. My niece. A treasure, I assure you. Beautiful! devoted!
fascinating! [Shouting again.] Varinka, where the devil are you?

VARINKA [returning]. I'll not be shouted for. You have the voice of a
bear, and the manners of a tinker.

PATIOMKIN. Tsh-sh-sh. Little angel Mother: you must behave yourself
before the English captain. [He takes off his dressing-gown and throws
it over the papers and the breakfasts: picks up his coat: and disappears
behind the screen to complete his toilette.]

EDSTASTON. Madam! [He bows.]

VARINKA [courtseying]. Monsieur le Capitaine!

EDSTASTON. I must apologize for the disturbance I made, madam.

PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. You must not call her madam. You must
call her Little Mother, and beautiful darling.

EDSTASTON. My respect for the lady will not permit it.

VARINKA. Respect! How can you respect the niece of a savage?

EDSTASTON [deprecatingly]. Oh, madam!

VARINKA. Heaven is my witness, Little English Father, we need someone
who is not afraid of him. He is so strong! I hope you will throw him
down on the floor many, many, many times.

PATIOMKIN [behind the screen]. Varinka!

VARINKA. Yes?

PATIOMKIN. Go and look through the keyhole of the Imperial bed-chamber;
and bring me word whether the Empress is awake yet.

VARINKA. Fi donc! I do not look through keyholes.

PATIOMKIN [emerging, having arranged his shirt and put on his diamonded
coat]. You have been badly brought up, little darling. Would any lady or
gentleman walk unannounced into a room without first looking through the
keyhole? [Taking his sword from the table and putting it on.] The great
thing in life is to be simple; and the perfectly simple thing is to look
through keyholes. Another epigram: the fifth this morning! Where is my
fool of a chancellor? Where is Popof?

EDSTASTON [choking with suppressed laughter]!!!!

PATIOMKIN [gratified]. Darling, you appreciate my epigram.