CLAIRE. This is perfectly ridiculous.

VARINKA [kneeling to her]. Pardon him, pardon him, little delight,
little sleeper in a rosy cradle.

CLAIRE. I'll do anything if you'll only let me alone.

THE SERGEANT [kneeling to her]. Pardon him, pardon him, lest the mighty
man bring his whip to you. God knows we all need pardon!

CLAIRE [at the top of her voice]. I pardon him! I pardon him!

PATIOMKIN [springing up joyfully and going behind Claire, whom he raises
in his arms]. Embrace her, victor of Bunker's Hill. Kiss her till she
swoons.

THE SERGEANT. Receive her in the name of the holy Nicholas.

VARINKA. She begs you for a thousand dear little kisses all over her
body.

CLAIRE [vehemently]. I do not. [Patiomkin throws her into Edstaston's
arms.] Oh! [The pair, awkward and shamefaced, recoil from one another,
and remain utterly inexpressive.]

CATHERINE [pushing Edstaston towards Claire]. There is no help for it,
Captain. This is Russia, not England.

EDSTASTON [plucking up some geniality, and kissing Claire ceremoniously
on the brow]. I have no objection.

VARINKA [disgusted]. Only one kiss! and on the forehead! Fish. See how I
kiss, though it is only my horribly ugly old uncle [she throws her arms
round Patiomkin's neck and covers his face with kisses].

THE SERGEANT [moved to tears]. Sainted Nicholas: bless your lambs!

CATHERINE. Do you wonder now that I love Russia as I love no other place
on earth?

NARYSHKIN [appearing at the door]. Majesty: the model for the new museum
has arrived.

CATHERINE [rising eagerly and making for the curtains]. Let us go. I can
think of nothing but my museum. [In the archway she stops and turns to
Edstaston, who has hurried to lift the curtain for her.] Captain, I wish
you every happiness that your little angel can bring you. [For his
ear alone.] I could have brought you more; but you did not think so.
Farewell.

EDSTASTON [kissing her hand, which, instead of releasing, he holds
caressingly and rather patronizingly in his own]. I feel your Majesty's
kindness so much that I really cannot leave you without a word of plain
wholesome English advice.

CATHERINE [snatching her hand away and bounding forward as if he had
touched her with a spur]. Advice!!!

PATIOMKIN. Madman: take care!

NARYSHKIN. Advise the Empress!!

THE SERGEANT. Sainted Nicholas!

VARINKA. Hoo hoo! [a stifled splutter of laughter].

EDSTASTON [following the Empress and resuming kindly but judic