ears, even in their minds, shows an inattention to
the details and probabilities of a play, that must do the actresses
an injury, if not give them corns. Let theatre-goers insist that the
stockings be changed oftener, in these plays that sometimes cover half
a century, and the stockings will not become moth-eaten. Girls, look to
the little details. Look to the stockings, as your audiences do, and you
will see how it is yourselves.

A BALD-HEADED MAN MOST CRAZY.

Last Wednesday the bell to our telephone rung violently at 8 o'clock in
the morning, and when we put our ear to the earaphone, and our mouth
to the mouthaphone, and asked what was the matter, a still small voice,
evidently that of a lady, said, "Julia has got worms, doctor."

We were somewhat taken back, but supposing Julia was going fishing, we
were just going to tell her not to forget to spit on her bait, when a
male voice said, "O, go to the devil, will you?" We couldn't tell whose
voice it was, but it sounded like the clerk at the Plankinton House, and
we sat down.

There is no man who will go further to accommodate a friend than we
will, but by the great ethereal there are some things we will not do to
please anybody. As we sat and meditated, the bell rung once more, and
then we knew the wires had got tangled, and that we were going to have
trouble all day. It was a busy day, too, and to have a bell ringing
beside one's ear all day is no fun.

The telephone is a blessed thing when it is healthy, but when its liver
is out of order it is the worst nuisance on record. When it is out
of order that way you can hear lots of conversation that you are not
entitled to. For instance, we answered the bell after it had rung
several times, and a sweet little female voice said, "Are you going to
receive to-morrow?" We answered that we were going to receive all the
time. Then she asked what made us so hoarse? We told her that we had sat
in a draft from the bank, and it made the cold chills run over us to pay
it. That seemed to be satisfactory, and then she began to tell us what
she was going to wear, and asked if we thought it was going to be too
cold to wear a low neck dress and elbow sleeves. We told her that was
what we were going to wear, and then she began to complain that her new
dress was too tight in various places that she mentioned, and when the
boys picked us up off the floor and bathed our temples, and we told them
to take her away, they thought we