the murmuring waves under the bridge, across which we went, murmuring as
if they too were taking counsel over some deep secret, which had so oft
been intrusted to them, and which as yet no one had discovered--why was
it that some dead people had no heads? Something prompted me so, to turn
with this awful question to my brother. I overcame the demon, and did
not ask him. Often children, who hold pointed knives before their eyes,
or look down from a high bridge into the water, are told, "Beware, or
the devil will push you." Such was my feeling in relation to this
question. In my hand was the handle, the point was in my heart. I was
sitting upon the brim, and gazing down into the whirlpool. Something
called upon me to thrust myself into the living reality, to lose my head
in it. And yet I was able to restrain myself. During the whole journey
neither my brother nor I spoke a word.

When we arrived at our country-house our physician met us, and told us
that mother was even worse than she had been; the sight of us would
only aggravate her illness; so it would be good for us to remain in our
room.

Our grandmother arrived two hours after us. Her arrival was the signal
for a universal whispering among the domestics, as if they would make
ready for something extraordinary which the whole world must not know.
Then we sat down to dinner quite unexpectedly, far earlier than usual.
No one could eat; we only gazed at each course in turn. After dinner my
brother in his turn began to hold a whispered conference with
grandmother. As far as I could gather from the few words I caught, they
were discussing whether he should take his gun with him or not. Lorand
wished to take it, but grandmother objected. Finally, however, they
agreed that he should take gun and cartridges, but should not load the
weapon until he saw a necessity for it.

In the mean while I staggered about from room to room. It seemed as if
everybody had considerations of more importance than that of looking
after me.

In the afternoon, however, when I saw my brother making him ready for a
journey, despair seized hold of me:

"Take me with you."

"Why, you don't even know where I am going."

"I don't mind; I will go anywhere, only take me with you; for I cannot
remain all by myself."

"Well, I will ask grandmother."

My brother exchanged a few words with my grandmother, and then came back
to me.

"You may come with me. Take your stick and coat."

He slung his