rliament."--_Daily Telegraph_.]

AIR--"_Simon the Cellarer._"

Oh, LOCKWOOD the Lecturer hath a rare store
Of jo-vi-a-li-tee
Of quips, and of cranks, with good stories galore,
For a cheery Q.C. is he!
A cheery Q.C. and M.P.
With pen and with pencil he never doth fail,
And every day he hath got a fresh tale.
"A Big-vig on Pig-vig," he quaintly did say,
When giving his lecture at York t'other day.
For Ho! ho! ho!
FRANK LOCKWOOD can show
How well he his DICKENS
Doth know, know, know!
_Chorus._--For Ho! ho! ho! &c.

* * * * *

HOSPITALITY A LA MODE.

["Programmes and introductions are going out of fashion at
balls."--_Weekly Paper_.]

SCENE--_Interior of a Drawing-room during a dance. Sprightly
Damsel disengaged looking out for a partner. She addresses
cheerful-looking Middle-aged Gentleman, who is standing near
her._

_She._ I am not quite sure whether I gave you this waltz?

_He._ Nor I. But I hope you did. I am afraid it is nearly over, but we
shall still have time for a turn. [_They join the dancers._

_She._ Too many people here to-night to make waltzing pleasant.

_He._ Yes, it is rather crowded. Shall we sit out?

_She_ (_thankfully, as he has not quite her step._) If you like. And
see, the band is bringing things to a conclusion. Don't you hate a
_cornet_ in so small a room as this? So dreadfully loud, you know.

_He._ Quite. Yes, I think it would have been better to have kept to
the piano and the strings.

_She._ But the place is prettily decorated. It must have cost them a
lot, getting all these flowers.

_He._ I daresay. No doubt they managed it by contract. And lots of
things come from Algeria nowadays. You can get early vegetables in
winter for next to nothing.

_She._ Yes, isn't it lovely? All these palms, I suppose, came from the
Stores.

_He._ No doubt. By the way, do you know the people of the house at
all?

_She._ Not much. Fact was, I was brought. Couldn't find either the
host or hostess. Such a crowd on the staircase, you know.

_He._ Yes. Rather silly asking double the number of people the rooms
will hold, isn't it?

_She._ Awfully. However, I suppose it pleases some folks. I presume
they consider it the swagger thing to do?

_He._ I suppose they do. Do you know many people here?

_She._ Not a soul, or--

_He._