dfuls, and, if possible, let what
remains be replaced by something sparkling; then, with less of sweet
but sad _William_--for the present version of the part is quite
"BURTON's _Anatomy of Melancholy_,"--with less of fascinating but
squirming _Susan_, far less of minor characters generally, and more,
by comparison, of the two MACS--meaning the two ARTHURS with the
plural names ROBERTS and WILLIAMS,--also a telling song for Mr.
CHAUNCEY OLCOTT (whose singing now wins an _encore_ for an indifferent
ballad),--with the Captain's-giggy hornpipe of Mr. WILLIE WARD
retained, as also the graceful dancing of Miss KATIE SEYMOUR, and
then, omitting as much of the plot and authors' written dialogue as
can be conveniently spared,--very little of it would be missed,--there
is no rhyme or reason why _Blue-Eyed Susan_ should not run on as a
Variety Entertainment for any number of nights and days, during which
fresh material can be constantly substituted by Messrs. ROBERTS & Co.
of the Drollery Company, Unlimited, without racking the fertile brains
of Messrs. PETTITT AND SIMS.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SALVATION HOUSE OF COMMONS. OUR PARLIAMENTARY
ARTIST'S DREAM, MARCH 10.]

* * * * *

[Illustration: ONE FOR HIM.

_Major Spooneleigh_. "AND YOU RIDE SO WELL, AND--ER--YOU DRIVE
SO WONDERFULLY WELL, AND--ER--YOU DANCE SO--ER--BEAUTIFULLY, AND
YOU--ER--PLAY LAWN-TENNIS SO--ER--EXQUISITELY, AND--ER--OF COURSE YOU
FISH ALSO?"

_Mrs. Dasher_. "NEVER FOR COMPLIMENTS, I ASSURE YOU; AND CERTAINLY NOT
IN SHALLOW WATERS!"]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

[Illustration: Chief Secretary.]

_House of Commons, Monday, March_ 14.--JACKSON turned up to-night
answering questions from Irish Members. This reminds us he's Irish
Secretary. Been so of course since Parliament met; but quite forgotten
it. Mention this to the SPEAKER who looked a little dull while Captain
PRICE was discoursing on Navy Affairs in Committee of Supply. So went
up to have a little chat with him in the Chair.

"My dear TOBY," he said, "I don't know whether you meant it, but
you've paid JACKSON the highest compliment it is possible to convey.
When in these times the CHIEF SECRETARY so manages to conduct business
of his department that he himself is temporarily forgotten, he's doing
it surpassingly well. My big brother ROBERT was