--no matter _whom_-de-ay--
For I dread a creature coming
Whose involuntary humming
May assume the fatal form, "Ta-ra-ra-_boom_-de-ay!"

Oh, I fear that when the Summer roses _bloom_-de-ay,
You will read upon a well-appointed _tomb_-de ay:--
"Influenza never lick'd him,
But he fell an easy victim
To that universal scourge--'Ta-ra-ra-_boom_-de-ay!'"

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

One of the Baron's Assistant Readers has been reading a
really interesting, well written novel in two volumes, by MARY
BRADFORD-WHITING. It is called _Denis O'Neil_, and tells of the
adventures of a young Irish Doctor who gets entangled in the plots
of one of those Secret Societies that used to exist in "the most
distressful country that ever yet was seen," some twenty years ago.
The romance contains some clever sketches of character. The story
(published by BENTLEY) ends sadly, and those who want to find fault
with it will say it is too short.

[Illustration: Our Competition Novel.--Competitors at Work.]

The Leadenhall Press,--immortalised by its invention of that
invaluable work of art, "The Hairless Author's Paper Pad," which the
Baron herewith and hereby strongly recommends to Mr. GLADSTONE, who
has so much writing to do with a pad on his knee, and for this purpose
Mr. G. would find this the "_knee plus ultra_" of inventions,--this
same Leadenhall Press has recently published a story without a title,
offering a reward of L100 to any individual, or to be divided between
such individuals, as may guess it. The story is in effect about
a youth who lost his right eye in fighting another boy, and who
subsequently revenged himself by depriving his antagonist of an eye by
a violent stroke at Lawn-tennis. What can be the title? The Baron has
had the following suggestions made to him:--"Eye for an Eye," "The
Egotist," "My Eye!" "Aye! aye!" "Ocular Demonstration," "A Man of One
Eye-dear!" "Eyes Righted," "One Left," "The Other Eye," "Two Pupils
and One Eye," "You and Eye," "The Eyes Have It." The Baron "winks the
other eye," and will be very glad should any hint of his have assisted
a deserving person to gain the reward offered by Mr. TUER. _En
attendant_ the Baron has hit upon a still more novel idea. He will
write some contributions towards short stories, and his readers shall
finish them. The terms will be these:--The Baron commences a chapter,
or a few lines of it, and leave