re's wan thing I wuddent do. I wuddent r-read
th' Declaration iv Independence. I'd be afraid I'd die laughin'."

In Germany not only are titles showered upon the populace, but it is
distinctly and officially stated by what title the office-holder shall
be addressed.

In a case I know, a certain lady failed to sign herself to one of the
small officials working upon her estate as, let us say, "I remain very
sincerely yours," or its German equivalent; whereupon the person
addressed wrote and demanded that communications addressed to him
should be signed in the regulation manner. A lawyer was consulted, and
it was found that a similar case had been taken to the courts and
decided in favor of the recipient of wounded vanity.

In hearty and manly opposition to this attitude toward life is the
example of Admiral X. He had served long and gallantly, and just
before he retired a friend said to him: "I hear that they're going to
knight you." "By God, sir, not without a court-martial!" was the
prompt reply. Indeed, things have come to such a pass in England that
the offer of a knighthood to a gentleman of lineage, breeding, and
real distinction, has been for years looked upon as either a joke or
an insult.

Not so among my German friends; they have a ravenous appetite for
these flimsy tickets of passing commendation. At many, many hospitable
boards in Berlin I have been present where no left breast was barren
of a medal, and where the only medal won by participation in actual
warfare, belonging to one of the guests, was safely packed away in his
house. And as for the titles, there is no room in a small volume like
this to enumerate them all; and the women folk all carry the titles of
the husband, from Frau Ober-Postassistent, Frau Regierungs Assessor,
up to the Chancellor's lady, who, by the way, wears a title in her
mere face and bearing. Not long ago I saw in a provincial sheet the
notice of the death of a woman of eighty, who was gravely dignified by
her bereaved relatives with the title, and as the relict of, a
veterinary.

Upon a certain funicular at a mountain resort, where the cars pass one
another up and down every twenty minutes, the conductors salute one
another stiffly each time they pass.

Of the army of people with titles of Ober-Regierungsrat, Geheimer
Regierungsrat, Wirklicher Geheimer Regierungsrat, Wirklicher Geheimer
Ober-Regierungsrat, Wirklicher Geheimerat, who also carries the
additional title of "Exce