orror.

"What I feel about myself is," he writes, "that I have to a
certain extent, or in some respects, a feminine mind in a male
body; or, I might put it that I am a combination of an immoral
(in tendency, rather than in act) woman and a religious man.
From time to time I have felt strong affection for young men, but
I cannot flatter myself that my affection has been reciprocated.
At the present time there is a young fellow (23 years old) who
acts as my clerk and sits in my room. He is extremely
good-looking, and of a type which is generally considered
'aristocratic,' but so far as I (or he) know, he is quite of the
lower middle class. He has little to recommend him but a fine
face and figure, and there is nothing approaching to mental or
social equality between us. But I constantly feel the strongest
desire to treat him as a man might a young girl he warmly loved.
Various obvious considerations keep me from more than
quasi-paternal caresses, and I feel sure he would resent very
strongly anything more. This constant repression is trying beyond
measure to the nerves, and I often feel quite ill from that
cause. Having had no experiences of my own, I am always anxious
to learn anything I can of the sexual relations of other men, and
their organs, but I have no curiosity whatever concerning the
other sex. My chief pleasure and source of gratification is found
in the opportunities afforded by Turkish and other baths;
wherever, in fact, there is the nude male to be found. But I
seldom find in these places anyone who seems to have the same
tendency as myself, and certainly I have not met with more than
two cases among the attendants, who responded to my hinted desire
to see everything. Under a shampooer, particularly an unfamiliar
one, I occasionally experience an orgasm, but less often now than
when I was younger."

F.R. is very short-sighted. His favorite color is blue. He is
able to whistle. His tastes are chiefly of a literary character,
and he has never had any liking for sports. "I have been
generally considered ineffective in the use of my hands," he
writes, "and I am certainly not skillful. All I have ever been
able to do in that way is to net and do the simpler forms of
needlework; but it seems more natural to me to do, or try to do,
everything of that sort, and t