ing I went up to Filmer and Rodgers as they stood apart from us and
each other on the platform and said, "Come to the others for a moment. They
want to apologise to you."

They didn't, but sometimes one has to choose between the cause of peace and
that of truth.

"Gentlemen," I said, "I have noticed this. Nearly all our little
controversies begin in one way. Somebody says, 'I call a spade a spade and
BONAR LAW (or LLOYD GEORGE) a lying, treacherous scoundrel.' I propose that
we form ourselves into the Society for Not Calling a Spade a Spade."

"What do you propose to call it? 'A Royal'?" This from Gibbs, who is a
master of auction bridge.

"By all means," I said. "It gives dignity and an enhanced value to a vulgar
agricultural utensil. And the Society can be called 'The Royalists' for
short. Its single rule is to be this, that any member speaking of any
politician of the opposite Party except in terms of eulogy shall be fined
ten shillings and sixpence. The fines to be divided equally between the
Tariff Reform League and the Free Trade Union."

For a moment there was hesitation. Then the Opposition rejoiced at the idea
of hearing the Radicals praise LAW and LONG, and the Radicals thought it
would be ecstasy to hear panegyrics of LLOYD GEORGE and MASTERMAN from the
Unionists.

The Society was formed at once and has proved an enormous success. Peace
and goodwill reign amongst us. It is a perpetual delight to see Filmer put
down his _Daily Express_ and with the veins bulging out from his forehead
say, "That accurate and careful financier who has so immeasurably raised
the status of the Chancellorship of the Exchequer"; or to hear Chalmers
remark, "Sad would it be if that most honey-tongued and softhearted of
politicians, dear F. E. SMITH, should have his life ended by a British
bayonet."

One or two prepare their delicate eulogies beforehand and refer to notes;
but this is thought unfair. The compartment, as a whole, prefers the
impromptu praise that has the air of coming from the heart.

I am thinking of offering to the House of Commons and the House of Lords
free membership in The Royalists. Perhaps Messrs. LLOYD GEORGE and LEO
MAXSE would consent to act as perpetual Joint Presidents, with Lord HUGH
CECIL and the Rev. Dr. CLIFFORD as Chaplains.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _MacBull._ "I SHALL BE A GAY GRASS WIDOWER FOR THE NEXT TWO
MONTHS--WIFE'S GONE FOR A HOLIDAY TO THE WEST INDI