utual satisfaction.

* * * * *

EVERY AUTHOR'S WIFE.

["What is the first step towards literary production? It is
imperative, if you wish to write with any freshness at all, that you
should utterly ruin your digestion."--_H. G. WELLS_.]

"What have you dined on, husband mine?"
"Chocolate creams and ginger wine."

"What did you take as an appetiser?"
"Haggis and Sauerkraut a la Kaiser."

"Didn't they give you any sweet?"
"Hard-boiled eggs and whisky neat."

"And your fruit, I trust, was over-ripe?"
"Doughnuts five with a pound of tripe."

"Have you had nothing at all since then?"
"Lobster and stout." "Then here's your pen,

"You must do a chapter or two to-night;
Have a banana and start to write."

* * * * *

New Anglo-German Entente.

"Young gentlemen wish young English lady to learn know for the common
joint exchange for the language sunday by flying outs Pleasing
writing at the office chiffre J. 810."--_Leipziger Neuste
Nachrichten._

* * * * *

"NOTICE.

In order to popularise the Corporation Crematorium, at Crematorium
Road, the Corporation have decided as an experimental measure to
abolish the fees now charged for the use of the Crematorium for one
year."

_Capital_ (_Calcutta_).

The inducement leaves us cold.

* * * * *

The Infant Samson.

"2s. 6d. REWARD will be paid for name of Small Boy who pushed a Cab
Horse down in the Station Yard, Teigumouth."

_Express and Echo_ (_Exeter_).

* * * * *

More Commercial Candour.

From a Leeds grocer's circular:--

"A perfection of blending is obtained in ---- Tea, which, upon
analysis, is pronounced to be absolutely injurious to health."

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HAVE YOU ANY GOLF BALLS GUARANTEED TO GO STRAIGHT?"

"NOT HERE, MADAM. YOU MIGHT TRY THE CONJURING DEPARTMENT--FIRST FLOOR."]

* * * * *

THE IDEAL FILM PLOT.

[The brisk demand by Cinema companies for new picture-play stories has
led many writers of talent to turn their attention to this fascinating
branch of literature. Unfortunately they often fail not only to
acquire a proper knowledge of the technique of the art, but to