nd low.

If we had met, your gaiety had grieved me;
There had been bitter back-chat to and fro;
And so I stole away ere you perceived me;
Dear, it was better so.

* * * * *

For all Tastes.

"Number of births on the 28th instant 16; number of rats trapped on
the 29th instant 273."--_The Said Gazette._

* * * * *

THE EXPERT IN EXCELSIS.

The invitation to Mr. ARTHUR BROCK, the well-known pyrotechnist, to express
his opinion of STRAVINSKY'S orchestral fantasia, "Fireworks," on the
occasion of its second performance at Queen's Hall on the 28th inst., has,
we are delighted to learn, been fruitful of a series of similar
invitations, not only in the sphere of music but also in the domain of art
and letters.

Thus we understand that the place of the ordinary musical critic of _The
Times_ will be taken at the next performance of _Parsifal_ by Mr. WATERER,
the great floricultural expert, and Mr. DEVANT, the eminent conjurer, with
a view to their contributing their impressions of the flower maidens and
the methods of the magician _Klingsor_ respectively.

Similarly, on the occasion of the next representation of WAGNER'S _Flying
Dutchman_ at Covent Garden, a signed criticism by the Chief Locomotive
Superintendent of the Great Western Railway will appear in the pages of our
contemporary.

The practice, which it is hoped will lend additional brightness to the
vivacious criticisms of _The Times_, is not to be confined to Opera. The
ASTRONOMER-ROYAL will be asked to record his impressions of BEETHOVEN'S
"Moonlight Sonata", and the officials of our leading lightships will be
asked to report upon PARRY'S "Blest Pair of Sirens."

The application of the new method to literature promises to be equally
interesting. It is an open secret that Messrs. GUNTER have been permanently
retained by _The Pastry-cook's Gazette_ to review all books dealing with
the Glacial Epoch, Ice-action and Arctic Exploration.

* * * * *

A CHARACTER.

DEAR MR. PUNCH,--Under the title of "A Bygone" you recently published the
tale of a certain estimable butler and his one lapse, during many years'
service, into alcoholism. This reminds me of the shorter and sharper
history of our own James, who came to our Northern home on a Monday
afternoon and left upon the following morning.

For his chief characteristics be referred us, on