thout her. I did feel a
worm! Never, no, never could I be like that. If I were engaged to a
man and couldn't go anywhere, I should like him to stay at home too, and
think of me, and not dare to enjoy himself with other girls; but Rachel
is not like that. Sometimes I wish she were just a wee, tiny bit less
sensible and composed. I could love her better if she were.

We all went down to the boat-house at eight o'clock, we girls with long
coats over our light dresses, because it's silly to catch cold, and so
unbecoming, and on the way I told Will about Rachel. He came at once
and walked beside me, and gave me such a nice look as he thanked me for
thinking of it.

"That was kind of you! She would be pleased to be remembered, but this
sort of thing is out of her line. She will be happier at home!"

Poor Rachel! That's the worst of being chronically unselfish; in the
end people cease to give you any credit for it, and virtue has to be its
own reward, for you don't get any other. I did think it was hard that
even Will should misjudge her so, and be so complacent about it into the
bargain, but it was hardly my place to defend her to him, of all people
in the world.

"You will come into my boat, of course," he said in his masterful way
when we drew near the ferry; but I had seen Vere divide parties before
now, and I knew very well I should not be allowed to go where I chose.
It was as good as a play to see how she did it, seeming to ponder and
consider, and change her mind half a dozen times, and to be so
spontaneous and natural, when all the time her plans had been made from
the very beginning. Finally, she and Will took possession of the first
boat, with Lady Mary and Captain Grantly, who were always together, and
were too much taken up with their own society to have eyes for anyone
else. Miss Talbot, Mr Nash, Mr Carstairs and I went into the second
boat--Miss Talbot furious because she felt it a slight to be put with a
child like me--Mr Carstairs depressed as he generally was, poor man!--I
with a heavy weight inside me, feeling all of a sudden as if I hated
parties and everything about them, and dear little Mr Nash, happy and
complacent, cracking jokes to which no one deigned to listen. Isn't it
funny to think how miserable you can be when you are supposed to be
enjoying yourself? I dare say if you only knew it, lots of people have
aching hearts when you envy them for being so happy. The people on the
banks