Mr Carstairs. She always takes refuge with him when
other people fail her. I felt all hot and churned up with the
excitement of singing, and then with rage at being snubbed in that
public fashion. It spoiled all the pleasure and made me wonder if I had
really made an exhibition of myself, and they were only pretending to be
pleased.

The others were chattering like magpies; only Will Dudley and I were
silent. I felt his eyes watching me, but I wouldn't look at him for
quite a long time, till at last I simply had to turn round, when he
smiled, such a kind nice smile, and said--

"Well, better now? Got the better of the little temper?"

"I don't know; partly, I suppose, but I do hate to be snubbed. I didn't
want to sing. I did it to be polite; and it's horrid to think I made an
idiot of myself."

Silence. It was no use. I _had_ to ask him--

"Did I make an idiot of myself?"

"You know you didn't."

"Did you--did you think it was nice?"

"Yes."

That was all. Not another word could I get out of him, but I felt
better, for it sounded as if he really meant it, and I cared for his
opinion most of all.

CHAPTER EIGHT.

_August 15th_.
It is three weeks since the moonlight picnic, and so many things have
happened since then, such awful, terrible things, that I don't know how
to begin to tell them. I didn't think when I began this diary how
thrilling it was going to be before I'd got half way through; but you
never know what is going to happen in this world. It's awful how
suddenly things come. I don't think I can ever again feel confident and
easy-going, as I used to do. You read in books sometimes, "She was no
longer a girl, she was a woman," and it is like that with me.
Everything seems different and more solemn, and I don't think I can ever
frivol again in quite the same whole-hearted way.

To begin at the beginning: we had a very lively time for the next week,
and I grew quite fond of Vere's friends, even Lady Mary, whom I hated at
first, and they all made a fuss of me, and made me sing every night till
I felt quite proud. I invited Rachel over and over again, but she would
never accept our invitations; but Will came often, either to dinner or
lunch, or for an odd call, and Vere neglected everyone for him, and was
so fascinating that I was in terror all the time. He admired her, of
course; he would have been blind if he hadn't, but