Greaves, but
to feel fit again, and wear pretty clothes, and dance, and flirt, and be
admired--that's what I want most, Jim; that's _all_ I want!"

He put out his hands and took hers. I don't know how I knew it, but I
did, though Maud was still staring out of the window, and I was still
staring at Maud.

"Poor darling!" he said huskily. "Poor darling!"

He didn't preach a bit, though it was a splendid opening if he had
wanted one, but I think the sorrow and regret in his voice was better
than words. Vere knew what he meant, and why he was sorry. I heard a
little gasping sound, and then a rapid, broken whispering.

"I know--I know! I ought to feel differently! Sometimes in the night--
oh, the long, long nights, Jim!--the pain is so bad, and it seems as if
light would never come, and I lie awake staring into the darkness, and a
fear comes over me... I feel all alone in a new world that is strange
and terrible, where the things I cared for most don't matter at all, and
the things I neglected take up all the room. And I'm frightened, Jim!
I'm frightened! I've lost my footing, and it's all blackness and
confusion. Is it because I am so wicked that I am afraid to be alone
with my thoughts? I was so well and strong before this. I slept so
soundly that I never seemed to have time to think."

"Perhaps that's the reason of it, sweetheart. You needed the time, and
it has been given to you this way, and when you have found yourself the
need will be over, and you will be well again."

"Found myself!" she repeated musingly. "Is there a real self that I
know nothing of hidden away somewhere? That must be the self you care
for, Jim. Tell me! I want to know--what is there in me which made you
care so much? You acknowledge that I am vain?"

"Y-es!"

"And selfish?"

He wouldn't say "Yes," and couldn't deny it, so just sat silently and
refused to answer.

"And a flirt?"

"Yes."

"And very cruel to you sometimes, Jim?" said Vere in that new, sweet,
gentle voice.

"You didn't mean it, darling. It was only thoughtlessness."

"No, no! I did mean it! It was dreadful of me, but I liked to
experiment and feel my power. You had better know the truth once for
all; it will help you to forget all about such a wretched girl."

"Nothing can make me forget. You could tell me what you like about
yourself, it would make no difference; I am past all that. You are the
one woman in the world for me. At first it wa