like indeed at our polite seminary.

It seems to be fashionable nowadays for a girl to behave as much like a
man as possible, and to smoke and shout, and stand with her arms behind
her back, and lounge about anyhow on her chair. Well, I won't! I don't
care if it's fashionable or not! I'd rather have been a boy if I'd had
the choice, but as I am a girl I'll make the best of it, and be as nice
a specimen as I can. Lorna says a girl ought to be like a flower--
sweet, modest and fragrant; she's a bit sentimental when you get her
alone, but I agree with the idea, though I should not have expressed it
in the same way. If I were a man I should hate to marry a girl who
smelt of tobacco and shrieked like a steam whistle. I'd like a dear,
dainty thing with a soft voice and pretty, womanly ways. I hereby vow
and declare that I will stick to my colours, and set an example to those
old things who ought to know better. Lady Mary must be twenty-five if
she is a day. I don't expect she will ever be married now. With the
clear-sighted gaze of youth, I can see that she is hiding a broken heart
beneath the mask of mirth. Life is frightfully exciting when you have
the gift of penetrating below the surface.

Will Dudley came to dinner; he was the only stranger, as he made the
number even. I wore my new white chiffon, and thought I looked very
fine till I went downstairs and saw the others. They were smart, and
Vere looked lovely, and did the honours so charmingly that even mother
seemed to make way for her. Poor mother! she looked so happy; she dotes
on Vere, and is so proud of her; it does seem hard she doesn't have more
of her society! I felt sad somehow, and sort of lonely as I watched
them together--Vere fussing round and saying pretty, flattering little
speeches, and mother smiling at her so tenderly. I feel nice things,
too, but I can't say them to order; my lips seem all tight and horrid,
as if they wouldn't move. I felt like the elder brother in the parable,
because I really have denied myself, and been bored fearfully sometimes
these last weeks doing fancy-work with mother, and driving about shut up
in a horrid, close carriage, while Vere has been gadding about and
enjoying herself; and then the moment she comes home I am nowhere beside
her! Injustices like this sear the heart, and make one old before one's
time.

I suppose I looked sad, for Will Dudley crossed over the room to talk to
me.

"Aren't you well?"