cicerone of Cupid; and
accordingly the God of Wine introduced the God of Love into the bosom of
the double-bass, who, with a commendable feeling of sociality, instantly
invited the cook to join the party. Now Susan, though a staid woman, and
weighing, moreover, sixteen stone, was fond of a "hinnocent bit of
nonsense," kindly consented to take just a "sip of red port wine" with the
performer upon catgut cables; and everything was progressing _allegro_,
when Cupid wickedly stimulated the double-bass to chuck Susan's double
chin, and then, with the frenzy of a Bacchanal, to attempt the
impossibility of encircling the ample waist of his Dulcinea. This was
carrying the joke a _leetle_ too far, and Susan, equally alarmed for her
reputation and her habit-shirt, struggled to free herself from the embrace
of the votary of Apollo; but the fiddler was not to be so easily disposed
of, and he clung to the object of his admiration with such pertinacity
that Susan was compelled to redouble her exertions, which were ultimately
successful in embedding the double-bass in the body of his instrument. The
crash was frightful, and Susan, having vainly endeavoured to free herself
from the incubus which had fastened upon her, proceeded to scream most
lustily as an overture to a faint. These sounds reached the supper-room,
and occasioned the diversion in John's favour; a simultaneous rush was
instantly made to the quarter from whence they proceeded, as the whole
range of accidents and offences flashed across the imaginations of the
affrighted revellers.

Mrs. Waddledot decided that the china tea-service was no more. Mrs.
Applebite felt certain that "the heir" had tumbled into the tea-urn, or
had cut another tooth very suddenly. The gentlemen were assured that a
foray had taken place upon the hats and cloaks below, and that cabs would
be at a premium and colds at a discount. The ladies made various
applications of the rest of the catalogue; whilst old John wound up the
matter by the consolatory announcement that he "know'd the fire hadn't
been put out by the _in_gines in the morning."

The general alarm was, however, converted into general laughter when the
real state of affairs was ascertained; and Susan having been recovered by
burning feathers under her nose, and pouring brandy down her throat,
preparations were made for the disinterment of the double-bass. To all
attempts to effect such a laudable purpose, the said double-bass offered
the