"WE HAVE A PLAN, WHICH, FROM ITS ORIGINALITY, SHOULD DRAW DOWN UPON US THE
GRATITUDE OF THE NATION.... WE PROPOSE THAT, DURING THE PROROGATION, AT
LEAST, MEMBERS OF PARLIAMENT, SHOULD, LIKE BEAVERS, BUILD THEIR OWN
HOUSES."

_Vide_ PUNCH, _No. 14, page 162_.]

* * * * *

LIST OF THE PREMIUMS

AWARDED BY THE

HOOKHAM-CUM-SNIVEY LITERARY AND SCIENTIFIC SOCIETY,

FOR THE YEAR 1841.

FIRST PREMIUM.

MANAGEMENT OF LANDED PROPERTY.

To Count D'Orsay, for the most approved Essay on Cultivating a Flower Pot,
and the Expediency of growing Mignionette in preference to Sweet Pea on
the Window-sills--

_The Pasteboard Medal of the Society._

SECOND PREMIUM.

METHOD OF GROWING PERMANENT WHISKERS.

To Colonel Sibthorp, for a Report of several successful Experiments in
laying down his own Cheeks for a permanent growth of Whisker, with a
description of the most approved Hair-fence worn on the Chin, and the
exact colour adapted to all seasons--

_The Pasteboard Medal and a Bottle of Balm of Columbia._

THIRD PREMIUM.

IMPROVING THE CONDITION OF THE POOR, BY INVENTING A VALUABLE SUBSTITUTE
FOR MEAT, BREAD, VEGETABLES, AND OTHER MASTICATORY ALIMENT.

To the Poor-Law Commissioners, for their valuable Essay on Cheap Feeding,
and an Account of several Experiments made in the Unions throughout the
Kingdom; by which they have satisfactorily demonstrated that a man may
exist on stewed chips and sawdust--also for their original receipt for
making light, cheap workhouse soup, with a gallon of water and a
gooseberry--

_The Pasteboard Medal and a Mendicity Ticket._

FOURTH PREMIUM.

QUANTITY OF BRAINS REQUIRED TO MAKE A MEMBER OF PARLIAMENT.

To Peter Borthwick, for his ingenious Treatise, proving logically that a
Member requires no Brains, instancing his own case, where the deficiency
was supplied by the length of his ears--

_The Pewter Medal, and a Copy of Enfield's Speaker._

FIFTH PREMIUM.

AMOUNT OF CASH REQUIRED BY A GENTLEMAN TO KEEP A WALKING-STICK, A PAIR OF
MOUSTACHES, AND A CIGAR.

To the Society of Law Clerks, for the best Account of how Fifteen
Shillings a week may be managed, to enable the Possessor to "draw it
rather brisk" after office-hours in Regent-street, including board and
lodging for his switch and spurs, and Warren's jet for his Wellingtons--

_The Tin Medal and a Penny Cuba._

SIXTH PREMIUM.

FATTENING ALDERMEN.

To S