has been useful to me. We are thus far quits. _I_, as the 'real Simon
Pure,' will tell you what to do. Protest you _are not the man_. Get
witnesses to hear you say so; and when taken to London (as you will be)
and the men are undeceived, threaten to bring an action against the
Sheriff unless those harpies, Messrs. Gallowsworthy and Pickles, give you
20l. for yourself, and a receipt in full for the debt and costs. Keep my
secret; I'll keep yours. Burn this.--H.F.F."

No sooner read than done; and all came to pass as the note predicted.
Gallowsworthy and Pickles grumbled, but were compelled to pay. Fitzflam
and Fitzfunk became inseparable. Fitzflam was even heard to say, he
thought in time Fitzfunk would make a decent walking gentleman; and
Fitzfunk was always impressed with an opinion that _he_ was the man of
talent, and that Fitzflam would never have been able to succeed in
"starring it" where he had been "_The Great Creature_."

FUSBOS.

N.B.--The author of this paper has commenced adapting it for stage
representation.

* * * * *

THE DESIRE OF PLEASING.

"May I be married, ma?" said a lovely girl of fifteen to her mother the
other morning. "Married!" exclaimed the astonished matron; "what put such
an idea into your head?" "Little Emily, here, has never seen a wedding;
and I'd like to amuse the child," replied the obliging sister, with
fascinating _naivete_.

* * * * *

THE HEIR OF APPLEBITE.

CHAPTER VIII.

[Illustration: A]A serious accident to the double-bass was the
extraordinary occurrence alluded to in our last chapter. It appeared that,
contrary to the _usual_ custom of the class of musicians that attend
evening parties, the operator upon the double-bass had early in the
evening shown slight symptoms of inebriety, which were alarmingly
increased during supper-time by a liberal consumption of wine, ale, gin,
and other compounds. The harp, flageolet, and first violin, had prudently
abstained from drinking--at their own expense, and had reserved their
thirstiness for the benefit of the bibicals of the "founder of the feast,"
and, consequently, had only attained that peculiar state of sapient
freshness which invariably characterises quadrille bands after supper, and
had, therefore, overlooked the rapid obfuscation of their more imprudent
companion in their earnest consideration of themselves.

Bacchus has long been acknowledged to be the