pity,
For they're very detrimental to the skin.

There are soaps which you can see through. I ask, What can it be
through?
Is it resin, or some other form of sin?
There are soaps which smell too strong, and of course that must be
wrong,
And extremely detrimental to the skin.

And too much fat's injurious, and so are soaps sulphureous,
Though they say they keep the hair from growing thin;
They may keep a person's hair on, like the precious oil of AARON,
And yet be detrimental to his skin.

In short, the only soap which is fit for Prince or Pope
(I have sent some to the KAISER at Berlin)
Is the article I sell you. Don't believe the firms who tell you
It is very detrimental to the skin.

* * * * *

A LIQUOR QUESTION.--Why does a toper--especially when "before the
beak"--always say that he was "in drink," when he evidently means that
the drink was in him? The only soaker on record who could rightly be
said to be "in drink" was,

"Maudlin _Clarence_ in his Malmsey butt."

He was "in liquor" with a vengeance. But less lucky wine-bibbers need
not be illogical as well as inebriate.

* * * * *

MR. GOSCHEN'S BUDGET.--"From a fiscal point of view, the Tobacco
receipts are extremely good." So unlike JOKIM. Of course, as he never
loses a chance of a _jeu de mot_, what he must have said was, that
"the Tobacco 'returns' are extremely good." "A birthday Budget,--many
happy 'returns,'" he observed jocosely to PRINCE ARTHUR, "quite japing
times!" And off he went for his holiday; and, weather permitting,
as he reclines in his funny among the weeds, he will gently murmur,
"_Dulce est desipere in smoko_."

* * * * *

THE NEWEST NARCISSUS;

OR, THE HERO OF OUR DAYS.

["--The curious tendency towards imitation which is observed
whenever some specially sensational crime is brought into the
light of publicity."--_Morning Post_.']

NARCISSUS? _He_, that foul ill-favoured brute,
A fevered age's most repulsive fruit,
The murderous coxcomb, the assassin sleek?
Stranger comparison could fancy seek?

Truly 'tis not the self-admiring boy
Nymph Echo longed so vainly to enjoy;
Yet the old classic fable hath a phase
Which seems to fit the opprobrium of our days.
Criminal-worship seems our latest cult,
And this strange figure is its last result.
Self-cons