erything. CRIMPTON, luckily, is reading one of
his own reviews in the evening paper. I glance at it; it is a review
of the Professor's novel. Not a kind review--rather insulting than
otherwise. He hates BEILBY, and he does not know the Military Critic.
If he joins us, there will be more international discussion. I get
them on to the balcony, and pretend to go to ring the bell for coffee.
I whisper to CRIMPTON. He is quite taken aback. "Awfully sorry; never
dreamed the Professor was not English." He wants to tell the Professor
that, thinks he will be pleased. He apologises to me; it is dreadfully
disagreeable to be apologised to by a guest. "All my fault," I say;
and, really, so it is. CRIMPTON remembers an evening engagement, and
goes off _a l'Anglaise_.

[Illustration: A PENNY FOR THE MEMBER'S THOUGHTS.]

The Americans go off; say they have enjoyed themselves. I feel
inclined to apologise for CRIMPTON. On second thoughts, I don't. They
do not look like men who write about their adventures in their native
newspapers. Ladies do that. A weight is off my mind. The Military
Writer goes home. He asks, "Who was that old man who fancied himself
so about SHERMAN's March?" "That was General HOME, who held a command
under SHERMAN." The Military Writer whistles; wishes I had told him
that before dinner. I wish I had, but I got so flurried and confused.
It is midnight; I am tired to death. Yes, BEILBY _will_ have something
to drink, and another cigar--a very large one. He begins to talk about
the University Match, about all University Matches, about old scores,
and old catches, from MITCHELL's year to the present day.

It is three o'clock before I get home; the Americans _may_ have
enjoyed themselves, I have not. I dream about the Mad Doctor; perhaps
he will put me into his next book on _Incipient Insanity_. Serve me
right.

* * * * *

THE YOUNG GIRL'S COMPANION.

(_BY MRS. PAYLEY._)

I.--THE YOUNG GIRL'S DIARY.

My very dear young girls, those Arts and accomplishments which form
part of the average education will be taught you by your Governess,
and in some cases, if your parents think it judicious, by a male
Professor. I do not propose in these papers to deal with such
subjects. But there are certain points in the life of the young girl,
about which the handbooks have but little to say, which your teachers
do not include in their course of tuition. Some of these points are
particularly in