ye, "Master up a Tree," what have you to say
to that? You see your advertisement has caught my eye. I am here to
answer it!

_P.A.-M._ Most wonderful! I do not know how or wherefore my pen
slipped, but slip it did, indeed. However, I apologise. Is that
enough?

_Master W.S._ More than enough!

_Enter the Ghost of HAMLET's Father suddenly._

_Ghost_ (_with a glance at W.S._). Ah, the Governor here already!
Still, I may have my chance as well as he! I gave the plot of
_Hamlet_! Why shouldn't I have another shot? (_To P.A.-M._)--
But that I am forbid
To tell the secrets of my prison-house,
I could a tale unfold, whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul.

_P.A.-M._ (_eagerly_). The very thing for a melodrama. Delighted to
make your acquaintance--hem--in the Spirit!

_Master W.S._ Nay, good Master Player, this is scarcely business! If
anything in _that_ line is to be done, I should do it. (_To Ghost of
HAMLET's Father_). Begone, Sirrah!

_Ghost._ Nay, this is professional jealousy! (_To P.A.-M._). I find
thee apt--

[_A book falls, and Master WM. SHAKSPEARE and Ghost of
HAMLET's Father vanish together._

_P.A.-M._ (_opening his eyes_). Was I dreaming? (_With a recollection
of "The Red Lamp"_) I wonder! [_Left wondering._

* * * * *

TAKING A SIGHT AT RINGANDKNOCK.

(_BY RUDDIER STRIPLING._)

After the roughness of the Atlantic, in which to my taste there is far
too much water moving about, I stepped on to America with considerable
relief. I was quite satisfied, after that excellent dinner, the first
I had enjoyed since Liverpool slid away eastward, to walk aimlessly
through the streets till I fell into the arms of a broad-shouldered,
pug-nosed, Irish New York policeman. I remember no more till New York
passed away on a sunny afternoon, and then I fell asleep again and
slept till the brakeman, conductor, Pullman-car conductor, negro
porter and newsboy somehow managed to pull me out into the midnight
temperature of 80 below freezing. It was just like having one's head
put under the pump, but it did not quite revive me, for I mistook
my host in his sleigh for a walrus, and tried to harpoon him with my
umbrella. After matters had been explained, we went off, at least I
did, and never woke up till I fell out into a snow-drift, just as we
turned a corner at our journey's end.

[Illustration: "Ta-ra-ra-Boom!"]

In the morning, I ha