of the population! By the way, though, the gaols have had
better company than now.

_Fifth Em. Pol._ Hold hard! Don't you abuse my Prisons. As a matter of
fact, the present convicts are the finest, cleverest, most trustworthy
fellows that ever existed. It is quite an honour to get into a prison
nowadays. (_With a sudden burst of anger_.) And if any of you doubt
my word, hang me, I will have satisfaction! (_Looking round for
opponents_.) Come now, who will tread on the tail of my coat!

_Chief and Most Eminent Politician_. Gentlemen! Gentlemen! Come
it's getting late, and if we are to see the dress-rehearsal of the
Pantomime, we must be off at once!

[_The Party breaks up to meet later on in the neighbourhood of
Drury Lane._

* * * * *

FROM OUR SPORTING CITY MAN.--"_Pounded before the Start_."--Mr.
GOSCHEN's One-pound Note scheme.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE CHIMES.]

(FRAGMENTS OF A DICKENSIAN DREAM UP TO DATE.)

* * * * *

It was some time before the great-little old fellow could compose
himself to mend the fire, and draw his chair to the warm hearth. But,
when he had done so, and had trimmed his lamp, he took his "Extra
Special" from his pocket, and began to read--carelessly at first,
and skimming up and down the columns, but with an earnest and sad
attention very soon.

For this same dreadful paper re-directed _Punch's_ thoughts into the
channel they had taken all that day; thoughts of the sufferings of the
poor, the follies of the rich, the sins of the wicked, the miseries of
the outcast. Seasonable thoughts, if not exactly festive. For all is
not festive, even at the Festive Season.

Scandals in high life, starvation in low life; foul floods of
nastiness in Law Courts; muddy tricklings of misery in lawless alleys;
crimes so terrible and revolting; pains so pitiless and cureless;
follies so selfish and wanton, that he let the journal drop, and fell
back in his chair, appalled.

"Unnatural and cruel, _Toby_!" he cried. "Unnatural and cruel! None
but people who were born bad at heart--born bad--who had no business
on the earth, could do such deeds. We're Bad!"

The Chimes took up the words so suddenly--burst out so loud, clear,
and sonorous--that the Bells seemed to strike him in his chair.

And what was it that they said?

"_Punch_ and _Toby! Toby_ and _Punch_! Waiting for you, _Toby_ and
_P