have
fireworks got to do with the Navy?

_First Em. Pol._ Why they increased our recruiting awfully. Fellows
went to the Royal Naval Exhibition and saw all sorts of good
things, automatic weighing machine, a fishing-smack, and Nelson
wax-works--and--and that kind of thing you know, and joined the Navy!
Precious good thing for the Service, I can tell you.

_Second Em. Pol._ Well, to go back to an old story--you can't defend
the bullying on board _The Britannia_.

_First Em. Pol._ Oh, that's all bosh. Those newspaper fellows got
hold of it for the Silly Season and ran it to death, but it's the best
possible place in the world. No end of good training for a fellow to
command other fellows.

_Second Em. Pol._ Well, they were down upon you pretty smartly.

_First Em. Pol._ (_airily_). May be. But it's because they didn't know
what they were writing about. How can a fellow become a good naval
officer unless he has been robbed of his pocket-money, and taught how
to lie for his seniors. Thing's too ridiculous! Hallo, JIMMY, they
tell me things are in a dreadful mess at St. Martin's-le-Grand!

_Third Em. Pol._ (_promptly_). Then they tell you wrong. Never saw
anything like it--most perfect organisation in the world! Absolutely
marvellous, Sir--absolutely marvellous! And the clerks so civil and
obliging. Everybody pleased with them.

_Second Em. Pol._ Come, that won't do. Your statement is as hard to
digest as too-previous turkey and premature plum-pudding. The papers
are full of complaints all through the Autumn, and have only stopped
recently to make room for those descriptive and special law reports.
You will have them again, now Term is over.

_Third Em. Pol._ Who cares for the papers? I tell you we are
absolutely inundated with letters of thanks from Dukes and Duchesses
upwards. No; if you had said that the Colonies were in a mess, why
then--

_Fourth Em. Pol._ (_angrily_). What _are_ you talking about? Why, we
are absolutely romping in! Never knew the Colonies so prosperous as
they are now! And we have had to put on half-a-dozen extra clerks to
open and answer the letters of congratulation we receive hour by hour
from every part of the Empire. Why, everything's splendid--absolutely
splendid!

_Second Em. Pol._ Well, matters have decidedly mended since
transportation was prohibited. But to return to our muttons. Waterloo
was won--

_Fourth Em. Pol._ (_interrupting_). Yes, I know, by the Militia and
the dregs