ling.

_Litigants (together)._ Certainly, my Lord. (_They both commence
quarrelling._)

_His Lordship (with C. C. C. telephone to ear, and mouth to
corresponding tube)._ Quite right. I agree with the verdict of the Jury,
and sentence the Prisoner at the Bar to seven years' penal servitude.
(_With Q. B. D. No. 4 laid on._) After carefully considering all the
evidence that has been submitted to the Jury, and giving due weight to
the fact that the Defendant's vehicle was admittedly on the wrong side
of the road, I have no hesitation in declaring L100 damages a just
award. (_Dropping tube, and taking up apparatus of Q. B. D. No. 5,
sitting as Divisional Court._) I entirely concur in the judgment my
learned Brother has just delivered. (_Dropping tube, and addressing_
Litigants _before him_). Well, and now you two gentlemen--how are you
getting on?

_Litigants (together)._ Oh, please, my Lord, we have made it up.

_His Lordship._ Ah! I see; you have had no lawyers to advise you. Well,
now that that matter is settled, the Court must stand adjourned until
to-morrow, as I have business requiring my attention in Chambers. (_To_
Usher). See that the telephones are switched on accordingly. [_Exeunt
omnes._

There, my dear _Mr. Punch_, could not some such arrangement as that I
have shadowed forth above be reached during the present Vacation? The
situation is really serious. _Entre nous_, PORTINGTON (my excellent and
admirable clerk) has not made an entry in my fee-book for more than a
fortnight--on my word of honour, Sir, more than a fortnight!

Yours truly,

(_Signed_) A. BRIEFLESS, JUNIOR.

_Pump-handle Court, Temple, 5th of April, 1890._

* * * * *

[Illustration: MAXIMS FOR THE BAR. No. IV.

"Show no mercy to the Police; they have few Friends."]

* * * * *

ROUTLEDGE'S _Atlas of the World_ is not a short biography of Mr. EDMUND
YATES, but a pocketable (if you've got the opportunity) volume, with
sixteen coloured maps. It is pleasant to see that, though the Atlas
bears the _imprimatur_ of ROUTLEDGE, the name of AYR is not effaced from
the Map of Scotland. True that Ayrshire is coloured green, but Ayr is
quite outside this, in fact it has got outside the coast-line, and is
represented as being quite out at sea. More in this than meets the eye.

* * * * *

BASTA, FASTER!

_Tuesday._--The fifty-sixth day of Signor DONTUC