en, and adjourn for Easter Holidays; only we must get Votes
first. I am most anxious, as far as is compatible with duty to QUEEN and
Country, to meet views of Hon. Members in all parts of House. That view
converges, as I may say, on the holidays. Well, the holidays need not be
impinged upon. We can all be off at Seven o'Clock, or even before, if we
pass the Votes; otherwise must sit to-night and to-morrow. Do not expect
it will be necessary; merely put down Motion as matter of precaution."
Precaution served. Members not liking prospect of coming back after
dinner, still less of spending Wednesday at Westminster, voted money
with both hands, and by Six o'Clock Class I. in Civil Estimates agreed
to.

"A wonderful man, OLD MORALITY," said R. N. FOWLER, walking off. "Only
you and me, TOBY, thoroughly appreciate him. Yah, yah!" _Business
done._--Adjourned till Monday, April 14.

* * * * *

POLICE FUN.

(_An entirely Imaginary Sketch of an Utter Impossibility._)

6 P.M.--Return to town, to find that that very afternoon my house in
Bayswater has been robbed by my servants, who have all decamped. They
have taken my wife's jewel-case, containing diamonds to the value of
L7,000, cash-box full of securities, fifteen gold repeaters, all the
silver plate in the house, together with the dining-room sideboard, set
of skittles, twelve-light gas chandelier, drawing-room grand piano, two
original landscapes by TURNER, a set of family portraits, dinner
service, all my clothes, roasting-jack, and the umbrella-stand.
Instantly summon Policeman from over the way. Shakes his head
unconcernedly, and says it is "no business" of his, and he can't go off
his beat to attend to it. Hurry off to Local Office, and make my
complaint. They only smile. They regard me with the languid interest
that, say, a horse might exhibit were a lady to present herself in
leathers minus a riding-habit. Don't know why I think of a horse--later
on their presence calls to mind an animal traditionally far less
sagacious, and I don't mean a mule! Feel slightly irritable, and ask
them to send a Constable round at once, to see the condition of the
house. They decline. Ask them "Why?" They refuse to tell me. I express
astonishment, and again state my case categorically. They ask me if I
think they've nothing better to do than attend to "every cock-and-bull
story" that is brought to them. I get angry, and threaten them that I'll
complain t