the hymns, the
prayers; then suddenly broke from her musings to face this
consciousness that was menacing her. Set herself to think in earnest.

What was it all about? Eleanor might well have shunned it, might well
grasp it in desperation with a sudden inability to put it off any
longer. Down in her heart, as strong as the keep of an old castle, and
as obstinate-looking, was the feeling--"I do not want to marry Mr.
Carlisle." Eleanor did not immediately discern its full outline and
proportions, in the dim confusion which filled her heart; but a little
steady looking revealed it, revealed it firm and clear and established
there. "I do not want to marry him--I will not marry him"--she found
the words surging up from this stronghold. Pride and ambition cowering
somewhere said, "Not ever? Do you mean, not at all? not ever?"--"Not
ever!"--was the uncompromising answer; and Eleanor's head dropped in
agony. "Why?" was the next question. And the answer was clear and
strong and ready. "I am bent upon another sort of life than his life--I
am going another way--I _must_ live for aims and objects which he will
hate and thwart and maybe hinder--I _will not_ walk with him in his
way--I cannot walk with him in mine--I cannot, oh, I do not wish, to
walk with him at all!" Eleanor sat face to face with this blank
consciousness, staring at it, and feeling as if the life was gradually
ebbing out of her. What was she to do? The different life and temper
and character, and even the face, of Mr. Rhys, came up to her as so
much nobler, so much better, so much more what a man should be, so much
more worthy of being liked. But Eleanor strove to put that image away,
as having very truly, she said to herself, nothing to do with the
present question. However, she thought she could not marry Mr.
Carlisle; and intrenched herself a little while in that position, until
the next subject came up for consideration; how she could escape from
it? What reason could be assigned? Only this religious one could be
given--and it might be, it might well be, that Mr. Carlisle would not
on his part consider that reason enough. He would certainly hope to
overcome the foundation on which it stood; and if he could not, Eleanor
was obliged to confess to herself that she believed he loved her to
that degree that he would rather have her a religious wife than not his
wife at all. What should Eleanor do? Was she not bound? had she not
herself given him claims over her whi