Every one, says the Secretary of the National Federation of Fish
Friers, wants the trade to be a respectable one. On the other hand it
is just that smack which it has of Oriental debauchery that makes it
appeal so strongly to the idle rich.

***

Salmon taken from some parts of the Tyne are alleged to smell of
petrol and taste like tar. Otherwise they are quite all right.

***

An American doctor states that British people sleep too much. No
blame, however, attaches to America. After all, she invented the
gramophone.

***

"The end of the dog," says a contemporary, "is in sight." Then it
can't be a dachshund.

* * * * *

[Illustration: PROTECT OUR PROTECTORS.

BARBED WIRE-MESH OVERALLS DESIGNED TO PREVENT THE POLICE FROM STRIKING
AS A PROTEST AGAINST HAVING TO INTERN UNMUZZLED DOGS.]

* * * * *

"Unionist Agent wanted ... Liberal salary offered."--_Times_.

Just the job for a Coalitionist.

* * * * *
"One must, however, remember that the Turk--and hurl upon
him what execrations you may--is still the [text upside down:
gentleman of the Near] East."--_Weekly Paper_.

He may be the "gentleman of the Near East," but that has not saved him
from being turned down.

* * * * *

THE COUNTER-ORDER OF THE BATH.

[A Standing Committee of the House of Commons has refused to
vote L3,800 for a lift and a second bathroom in the proposed
official residence of the LORD CHANCELLOR within the precincts
of the House of Lords. In a letter to Sir ALFRED MOND Lord
BIRKENHEAD wrote: "I am sure both yourself and the Committee
will understand that my object in writing is to make it plain
that I never asked anyone to provide me with a residence,
and that I am both able and willing, in a house of my own,
to provide my family and myself with such bathroom and other
accommodation as may be reasonably necessary."]

I did not ask for it; I never yearned
Within the Royal Court to board and bed;
Like all the other honours I have earned,
I had this greatness thrust upon my head;
But if the Precincts are to be my lair
Then for my comfort Ministers must cater;
I want a second bath inserted there,
Also an elevator.

Daily fatigued by those official cares
Which my exalted dignity assumes,
I