oy--are
entirely impervious to and unaffected by any climatic variations
whatsoever. Your rooms, Sir, are on Staircase B."

* * * * *

TRUE HOSPITALITY.

"Lecture by Rev. W. ----. 'The Dragon, The Beast and The False
Prophet.' All welcome."--_Scotsman_.

* * * * *

"Scotch reels, corner dances, and waltzes were favourites at
the Masons' ball on Tuesday evening. Dancers fought shy of the
fog-trot which has proved so popular at other dances."--_Scots
Paper_.

Perhaps they were afraid of missing their steps in the dark.

* * * * *

"Detroit to-day completed its first year as the world's
largest 'dry' city. The city has prospered during the past
year both financially and industrially. Murders, suicides,
embezzlements, assaults, robberies and drunkenness were
reduced by half."--_Daily Mail_.

The record of drunkenness seems still rather high for a teetotal city.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A CAUTIOUS DICTATOR.

PRESIDENT WILSON (_dictating a message to the American Nation_). "AT
LAST WE MAY FAIRLY SAY THAT THE DOVE OF PEACE HAS SIGHTED DRY LAND."
(_Pauses_). "ONE MOMENT--I'M NOT QUITE SURE THEY'LL LIKE THAT WORD
'DRY.'"

[The New York _World_ asserts that President WILSON has promised to
set aside the Prohibition Law if he finds that popular opinion is
opposed to it.]]

* * * * *

[Illustration: MR. WILL JONES, M.C., D.C.M., AND MR. RONALD
MONTMORENCY (TOTAL EXEMPTION 1917--WORK OF NATIONAL IMPORTANCE) AS
THEY APPEAR IN THE LEADING PARTS OF THE MELODRAMA "IN HIS COUNTRY'S
NEED."

Reading from left to right: MR. MONTMORENCY, MR. JONES.]

* * * * *

SAFETY FIRST.

The fact being now established to the satisfaction of the authorities
that the public is composed almost exclusively of drivelling idiots,
a campaign has been instituted for adding to the decorations of London
by placarding the walls with hints on how to avoid various violent
deaths.

We are surrounded now by blood-curdling photographs of people being
run over by omnibuses or dribbled along the street by horses
attached to brewers' drays, these illustrations being accompanied by
explanatory notes as to the inevitable result of crossing roads with
your eyes shut or your fingers in your ears and endeavouring to alig