close intermarriage in the
KEMBLE family.

* * * * *

ROYAL ACADEMY--FIRST DEPRESSIONS.

[Illustration: _Ulysses (disillusioned)._ "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"]

[Illustration: _Sir William Bull (to Mr. Hacker)_. "I WARN YOU THAT IF
THIS ASH FALLS IT MAY THROW ME OFF MY BALANCE."]

[Illustration: "PULVIS ET UMBRA."

_Excited Spectator_. "TWO TO ONE ON UMBRA."]

[Illustration: _Disgusted Artist_. "WHAT'S THE GOOD OF MY TRYING TO
PAINT HER WHEN SHE KEEPS ON FALLING ASLEEP?" ]

[Illustration: "OH, DO HURRY UP AND FINISH! I'M GROWING OUT OF MY
CLOTHES."]

[Illustration: _The Donkey_. "LET THEM FACE THE CAMERA IF THEY LIKE.
FOR MY PART, I'M AT MY BEST IN PROFILE."]

[Illustration: _The Right Hon. Mr. Justice Darling_. "NO, THIS IS
_NOT_ A JOKE!"]

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Cynical Taxi-driver._ "HERE!--HI!--ME LORD! YOU'VE
MADE A MISTAKE--YOU'VE GIVE ME TUPPENCE TOO MUCH!"]

* * * * *

THE COOK.

(_With acknowledgments to TENNYSON and CALVERLEY_.)

Urged by the Government, with loyal step
I to the Labour Bureau made my way
To find a cook; and there beheld a queen,
Tall, fair, arrayed in feathers and in fur
And all things beautiful. Whom when I saw,
"Madam," said I, "they tell me, who should know,
That you have skill of Mrs. Beeton's art.
If that be so--" She nodded "Yes," and I
Assumed a courage, though I had it not,
And spoke again: "Then tell me, if you will,
Of your experience and past career.
Whence come you?" And the cook--why not?--replied:

"I come from haunts of bomb and shell,
I've toyed with lathes and gauges,
I've sparkled out a sudden swell
With quite unheard-of wages.

"By thirty shops I've paused to buy
Silk stockings, skirts and undies,
In fifty stores I've sat to try
Smart tango boots for Sundays.

"Down Bond Street gaily would I float,
Buy chairs, pianos, tables,
With here and there a sealskin coat,
And here and there some sables.

"I'd slip, I'd slide, I'd jazz, I'd glide,
I'd fox-trot, one- and two-step,
And show with pardonable pride
My skill at every new step.

"I'd dance until my soles wore raw,
When, tired of dissipation,
I'd lie in bed whole weeks and draw
My out-of-work donation.

"And when that palled I'd rise to see
What fortunes cooks are earning,
And how the ladies long f