devoted to the maintenance of village
festivals, at which only genuine folk-music should be performed by the
oldest inhabitants.

Asked by Sir Mark Holloway what he meant by genuine folk-music, Mr.
Blunt said, "Tunes of which it is impossible to assign the authorship
to a known composer."

Mr. Kilcrankie Fox, who was the next witness, was subjected to a very
searching examination by Mr. Moody MacTear, Mr. Gladney Jebb and Sir
Leonardo Spaghetti Coyne.

_Mr. Moody MacTear_. Are you aware that brass instrument players are
habitually sweated in orchestras and bands?--It depends on what you
mean. I certainly admit that their activities often conduce to profuse
perspiration.

_Mr. Moody MacTear_. Have you ever played the trombone yourself?--No,
nor the lyre either.

_Mr. Gladney Jebb_. Are you prepared to deny that the strain on the
nerves of players in Jazz-bands, especially drums, is greater than
that endured by soldiers in the front-line trenches during an intense
bombardment?--As a rule I am prepared to deny at sight any statement
for which you are responsible, but I concede you the big drum.

_Sir Leonardo Spaghetti Coyne_. Are you aware that, owing to
profiteering in the cloth trade, organ-grinders have been unable to
provide their Simian assistants with proper habiliments during
the recent inclement weather?--"Apes are apes though clothed in
scarlet"--or broadcloth. I have not noticed any shabbiness of late in
the garb of those with whom I am acquainted.

The Commission broke up at a late hour. At the next meeting evidence
will be taken on the subject of the housing of musical seals and
the alleged profiteering of dealers in burnt cork at the expense of
players in Jazz-bands.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Waiter (a demobilised Sergeant--as Staff officer
enters)._ "ROOM--'SHUN!"]

"FOR SALE,

STANDARD BABY.

Lately overhauled."

_Cape Times._

Inhuman, we call it.

* * * * *

THE CONQUERING CELT.

[Mr. ROBERT O'LOUGHRAN, writing in _The Times_ of May 2nd,
observes, "The Celt is tattooed in his cradle with this
historic belief in his race--a free Ireland."]

The Sassenach, stodgy and prosy,
Lacks any distinguishing mark;
The Semite has merely been nosey
Right back to the days of the Ark;
The Teuton proclaims himself _edel_
And points to his family tree;
But the Celt is tattooed in his