t from view at a businesslike waddle.

* * *

"The only way to get houses," says the Marylebone magistrate, "is to
build them." The idea of knitting a few seems to have been overlooked.

* * *

We understand that the Scotsman who was injured in the rush outside
the post-office on the last night of the three-halfpenny postage, is
now able to get about with the help of a stick.

* * *

New motor vehicles to take the place of the "Black Marias" are
now being used between Brixton Gaol and Bow Street. Customers who
contemplate arrest should book early to avoid the congestion.

* * *

Signor MARCONI has failed to get into touch with Mars. At the same
time we are asked to deny the rumour that communication has been
established between Lord NORTHCLIFFE and the PREMIER.

* * *

"Comedians," says a stage paper, "are born, not made." This disposes
of the impression that too many of them do it on purpose.

* * *

[Illustration: _Flapper._ "OH--AND I WANT SOME PEROXIDE. ER--IT'S FOR
CLEANING HAIRBRUSHES, ISN'T IT?"]

* * *

It has been established in the Court of Appeal that the farther north
you go the larger are people's feet. Surprise has been expressed at
the comparatively small number of Metropolitan policemen who hail from
Spitzbergen.

* * *

SYDNEY RICHARDSON, the London messenger-boy who went to America for
Mr. DAREWSKI, has just returned. It is said that one American wanted
to keep him as a souvenir and offered him a job as a paper-weight for
his desk.

* * *

The Trafalgar Hotel, Greenwich, famous of old for its whitebait
dinners, has been turned into a Trades Union Club. The report that the
Parliamentary Labour Party has decided to preserve the traditions
of the place by holding an annual red herring supper there is not
confirmed.

* * *

A certain brass band in Hertfordshire now practises in the evening on
the flat roof of a large factory. We understand that the Union of Cat
Musicians are taking a serious view of the matter.

* * *

A vagrant was before the magistrate last week, charged with tearing
his clothes and destroying all the buttons on them whilst in a
workhouse ward. It is not known at what laundry he served his
apprenticeship.

* * *

After announcing that the fox which had been causing severe losses to
poultry had at last been killed a local paper admits that the wanton
destruction of fowls is still going on. It is thought that another fox
of the same name was killed in