ne
might ask them to supply half-a-dozen small packets of steam for the
ungumming of envelope-flaps.

I find also in the Directory two or three gentlemen with the surname
of "George." I could profess to be an earnest Liberal opponent of
the PRIME MINISTER, accustomed to refer to him by that disrespectful
abbreviation:--

"Oh, is that Mr. George? Well, Sir, I wanted to have a word with you
on your handling of the European situation. Now, it's surely obvious
that the Jugo-Slavs--"

It seems possible that your victim now and then might enter into the
spirit of the thing and do his best to make the dialogue a success.
Contrariwise, if you were seeking violent excitements, you would ask a
retired admiral, let us say, his opinion on the question "Do flappers
put their hair up too soon?" or some such urgent problem of the day.
How jolly these promiscuous exercises in conversation might be!

* * * * *

[Illustration:

_Biddy_ (_recovering a spoon the morning after the party_). "SURE, ONE
AV THE GUESTS MUST HAVE HAD A HOLE IN HIS POCKUT."]

* * * * *

TO THE NEW POLICEMAN.

["Increased remuneration is attracting to the force a
more intellectual and better class of recruit.... Police
administration here is now organised in a more humanitarian
spirit than formerly, and a policeman is as much encouraged
to prevent the necessity of an arrest as to effect an
arrest."--_Sir WILLIAM GENTLE (retiring chief of the Brighton
Police Force, unofficially known as "Sir William Gentle's
Gentlemen"), interviewed by "The Daily Sketch._"]

O Robert, in our hours of crime
Certain to nab us every time,
Or, failing, fill a dungeon cell
With someone who does just as well;

Now you're a gentleman in blue
Provided with a princely screw,
More is expected of you still;
You must _prevent_ us doing ill.

No longer is it deemed enough
To slip the hand within the "cuff,"
To trap road-hogs and motor-bikes,
Or merely to arrest _Bill Sikes_.

Thus, when you take position at
The window of an empty flat,
And _Bill_ arrives to burgle it,
Urge him his evil ways to quit;

Or, posted in a public bar,
Where men drink too much beer by far,
Before them you might firmly put
The arguments of PUSSYFOOT;

Or, summoned to a scene of strife,
Persuade the fellow with the knife
By means of tactful reasoning
T