in the Guards, or
M. KRASSIN proceeding to a deputation in Downing Street; but going
out--no. Look here, why not make it a simple country wedding--sports
coats and hayseed in the hair, and all that sort of thing?"

"Spats and white vest-slips will be worn by all the more prominent
guests," he replied firmly.

"Well, hang it, have the thing in London, then," I implored, "and
I'll promise to add the price of the return-fare to the cost of your
wedding present."

"The bride's parents reside at Whittlehampton, and the wedding will
take place from the home of the bride," he answered.

"You got that little bit out of _The Morning Post_," I said. "Couldn't
you persuade the bride's parents to take a house in London? There's
one just opposite us at only about thirty pounds a week. Stands in its
own grounds, it does, and there's a stag's head in the hall. There's
nothing like a stag's head for hanging top-hats on."

It was no good. You know what these young lovers are. Immersed in
their own petty affairs, they can pay no proper attention to the
troubles of their friends.

William rang off and left me once more a prey to harrowing despair.
There were only three nights before the calamity took place, and I had
terrible nightmares on two of them. In one I attended the wedding in
a bowler hat and pyjamas, with carpet slippers and spats. In the other
my top-hat was on my head and my vest-slip was all right, but I tailed
off into khaki breeches and trench boots. On the third day a gleam of
light broke and I rang up William again.

"I haven't quite settled that little hat problem I was talking to you
about," I told him. "Look here--can you lend me your old top-hat-box?"

"Haven't got one," he replied. "In the chaos consequent upon
Armageddon it somehow disappeared."

I breathed a sigh of relief.

Happily the morning of the wedding was cloudy and dull. I wore my
oldest squash hat and coat and went to Whittlehampton carrying my
present in my hand. As the train arrived the sun broke through the
clouds, and I also emerged from my chrysalis and attended the ceremony
in all the panoply that William's egotism had demanded. If it had
not been too late to get into the list you would have seen this entry
amongst the wedding gifts:--

"Mr. Herbert Robinson: Leather hat-box."

Perhaps if it had been a very full list it would have gone on:--

"Containing unique specimen of dappled fawn trilby headwear slightly
moth-eaten in the crow