nyhow, it's a fact.

* * * * *

"AH!" exclaimed our dear old Mrs. R., "I'm fond of high-class music. For
many years I've heard my musical friends talking about 'SHOOLBRED'S
Unfinished Symphony.' Why doesn't he get it finished? When was it
ordered? But there--I know geniuses are always unpunctual."

* * * * *

THE INEVITABLE.

(_As Illustrated by recent Political, Social, and other Public
"Functions."_)

Say you'd get up an "Inaugural Meeting,"
_Anything_ "forming," or _Anyone_ "greeting,"
If you'd have guests in their tankards their nose bury,
Ruddy with mirth, you must put up Lord ROSEBERY.
If facts and statistics your minds you will task with,
He must be followed--of course--by young ASQUITH.
Q.C. and canny Earl, Earl and 'cute Q.C., gents!
There you've your "Popular Programme" _in nuce_, gents!

* * * * *

TO MY RIVAL.

How I loved her, blindly, madly!
Sighing sadly,
Feeling hurt
If I did not see her daily.
Oh, how gaily
She could flirt!

Flirt with me, or flirt with others,
With my brothers
Just as well,

How I could be such a duffer
So to suffer,
I can't tell.

Then you came, played tennis finely,
Danced divinely,
Sang as well;

Half Adonis, half Apollo,
Beat me hollow.
Such a swell!

How I hated you, so clever!
_You_ were never
Thought a bore!

When I saw you so romantic
I was frantic;
How I swore!

I've recovered. Is she not a
Child that's got a
Newer toy?
From the first she thought she'd booked you;
Now she's hooked you.
Wish you joy!

I'll forgive you altogether,--
She'll see whether
I shall care,--
Shake your hand and gaily greet you,
When I