more than once or twice.

But wrongs are not brooked by Russian gents--
They're awfully angry fry!
The hero may pardon past events,
But not so the Russian Spy,--
'Tis death from the Russian Spy!

So as humbled Vice up stage retires,
Forgiven by him, he'd slay
(A noble revenge the House admires,
By utterly giving way--
By sniffingly giving way)--
The Spy, with revolver, comes down C.,
And aims at the evening sky,
And down tumbles Vice, as dead as three,
From lead from the Russian Spy!--
Oh! accurate Russian Spy!

[Illustration]

* * * * *

SOMETHING LIKE A COUNTY-COUNCILLOR.

(_Being Evidence taken in the Palace of Truth._)

_Question._ And so you object to Theatres and Music-Halls?

_Answer._ Certainly; and know as much about one as the other.

_Q._ Do you approve of SHAKSPEARE?

_A._ Certainly not; nor of any other playwright.

_Q._ Have you ever read a dramatic composition?

_A._ Never; it is against my principles to peruse such (so-called)
literature.

_Q._ Then why do you object to the Author's work?

_A._ Because I know if I were SHAKSPEARE or any of his colleagues, my
writings would be entirely unfit for representation.

_Q._ Have you ever entered a Theatre?

_A._ Certainly not; and never shall.

_Q._ Have you visited a Music-Hall?

_A._ Emphatically no, and don't want to.

_Q._ Then why do you complain of them?

_A._ Because my imagination pictures them as indescribably horrible.

_Q._ How comes it that knowing so little, you have been sent to
adjudicate upon so much?

_A._ Because I was elected by the know-nothings of the district I have
the honour to represent.

_Q._ And what became of the rest of the constituency?

_A._ You mean the majority--oh, they didn't take the trouble to register
their votes.

_Q._ Then you are the mouthpiece of ignorance and incompetence?

_A._ Certainly--but that is not a pretty way of putting it!

[Illustration]

* * * * *

On the Speculative Builder.

He's the readiest customer living,
While you're lending, or spending, or giving;
But when you'd make profit, or get back your own,
He's the awkwardest customer ever you've known.

[Illustration: "Hodman Hout!"]

SONG AT CHRISTMAS.--"_Then Yule Remember Me!_"

* * * * *

"ANECDOTAGE."

_Companion Volume to other Works of the same kind._