reside here but a short time; for, these having usually but little
money, and being wholly ignorant of the town, might at an easy price
purchase a tolerable dinner, if the several criers would pronounce the
names of the goods they have to sell, in any tolerable language. And
therefore till our law-makers shall think it proper to interpose so far
as to make these traders pronounce their words in such terms, that a
plain Christian hearer may comprehend what is cried, I would advise all
new comers to look out at their garret windows, and there see whether
the thing that is cried be tripes or flummery, butter-milk or cow-heels.
For, as things are now managed, how is it possible for an honest
countryman, just arrived, to find out what is meant, for instance, by
the following words, with which his ears are constantly stunned twice a
day, "Mugs, jugs and porringers, up in the garret, and down in the
cellar." I say, how is it possible for any stranger to understand that
this jargon is meant as an invitation to buy a farthing's worth of milk
for his breakfast or supper, unless his curiosity draws him to the
window, or till his landlady shall inform him. I produce this only as
one instance, among a hundred much worse, I mean where the words make a
sound wholly inarticulate, which give so much disturbance, and so little
information.

The affirmation solemnly made in the cry of herrings, is directly
against all truth and probability, "Herrings alive, alive here." The
very proverb will convince us of this; for what is more frequent in
ordinary speech, than to say of some neighbour for whom the passing-bell
rings, that he is dead as a herring. And, pray how is it possible, that
a herring, which as philosophers observe, cannot live longer than one
minute, three seconds and a half out of water, should bear a voyage in
open boats from Howth to Dublin, be tossed into twenty hands, and
preserve its life in sieves for several hours. Nay, we have witnesses
ready to produce, that many thousands of these herrings, so impudently
asserted to be alive, have been a day and a night upon dry land. But
this is not the worst. What can we think of those impious wretches, who
dare in the face of the sun, vouch the very same affirmative of their
salmon, and cry, "Salmon alive, alive;" whereas, if you call the woman
who cries it, she is not ashamed to turn back her mantle, and shew you
this individual salmon cut into a dozen pieces. I have given good advi