o Jim not to
celebrate too much. He ain't a drinking man if for no other reasons but
those of my own; but just oncet in a while he'd get a little more than
he should, and this opening night the show had gone awful big. Had he
but heeded me better! Alas! Nothing doing; it was all in vain!

For description of party see any motion-picture film on Vice. Why waste
words on what is so well known? And--believe you me--this was just like
a fillum; and, as I have said, nothing like that for mine, usually. But,
even so, we might of got off safe and home without no trouble--only for
Von Hoffman and the baby alligator.

It seems like this here Von Hoffman was stuck on Ruby; in fact, it was
him that suggested her singing Overseas in that fierce costume. Also, he
gave her the alligator, she having tried to pick on a present he
couldn't possibly get when he wanted to buy her something. But, being
German by descent, he had the efficiency to get it, anyways; and there
was the alligator at the party, about fifteen inches long, with a gold
collar and diamonds in the collar--and we at war!

Well, it seems this alligator hadn't eat since it come; and after Ruby
had a double Bronx and two glasses of champagne the memory of his
hunger began to worry her--do you get me? So she had him brought in and
set in the middle of the supper table on the orchids at two dollars per
each, which he sat on without moving while the crowd tried everything on
him, from olives to wine, with no success. The alligator seemed a awful
boob, for he just lay there like a stuffed one, which we knew he wasn't
on account of his not having eaten.

Well, Jim hadn't heeded me. I guess the truth must be told, though,
honest, he had took but very little; still, being unused to it, the
effect was greater--do you get me? And pretty soon he and this Von
Hoffman was kidding each other and that alligator something fierce.

Now Jim took a hate on this Von Hoffman bird the minute he laid eyes on
him, partly on account of the costume of Ruby, and also on general
principles, because of the bird's accent. But, the alligator not moving
or nothing, Jim asks if the alligator understands only German.

"In all probability," says Von Hoffman; "he is a high-class alligator."

"Then he ought to understand American," says Jim. "He'll have to
eventually; why not now?

"There's nothing to prove that," says the German bird with a sneer. "He
will probably get along very well as he is, with