that the only thing to do was to drown
himself; on second thoughts he decided to drown his sorrows first. He did
this so successfully that at the end of the evening he was convinced that
it was not Maria who had jilted him, but the Essenland captain who had
jilted Maria; whereupon he rowed across the river and poured his revolver
into the Essenland flag which was flying over the fort. Maria thus
revenged, he went home to bed, and woke next morning with a bad headache.

("_Now we're off," said the gods in Olympus_.)

In Diedeldorf, the capital of Essenland, the leader-writers proceeded to
remove their coats.

"The blood of every true Essenlander," said the leader-writer of the
"Diedeldorf Patriot", after sending out for another pot of beer, "will
boil when it hears of this fresh insult to our beloved flag, an insult
which can only be wiped out with blood." Then seeing that he had two
"bloods" in one sentence, he crossed the second One out, substituted "the
sword," and lit a fresh cigarette. "For years Essenland has writhed under
the provocations of Ruritania, but has preserved a dignified silence;
this last insult is more than flesh and blood can stand." Another "blood"
had got in, but it was a new sentence and he thought it might be allowed
to remain. "We shall not be accused of exaggeration if we say that
Essenland would lose, and rightly lose, her prestige in the eyes of
Europe if she let this affront pass unnoticed. In a day she would sink
from a first-rate to a fifth-rate power." But he didn't say how.

The Chancellor of Essenland, in a speech gravely applauded by both sides
of the House, announced the steps he had taken. An ultimatum had been
sent to Ruritania demanding an apology, an indemnity of a hundred
thousand marks, and the public degradation of Captain Tomsk, whose
epaulettes were to be torn off by the Commander-in-Chief of the Essenland
Army in the presence of a full corps of cinematograph artists. Failing
this, war would be declared.

Ruritania offered the apology, the indemnity, and the public degradation
of Captain Tomsk, but urged that this last ceremony would be better
performed by the Commander-in-Chief of the Ruritanian Army; otherwise
Ruritania might as well cease to be a sovereign state, for she would
lose her prestige in the eyes of Europe, and sink to the level of a
fifth-rate power.

There was only one possible reply to this, and Essenland made it. She
invaded Ruritania.

_("Aren't the