d in the first instance whether it wanted a war at all.

***

All Metropolitan police swords have been called in. We decline to
credit the explanation that, in spite of constant practice, members
of the force, kept cutting their mouths.

***

French politicians are advocating the giving of an additional vote for
each child in the family. In France, it will be remembered, the clergy
are celibate.

***

"We are looking for the ideal omnibus," says an official of the
L.G.O.C. We had no idea that they had lost it. Meanwhile their other
omnibus continues to cause a good deal of excitement as it flashes
by.

***

"Buildings occupied by the League of Nations," says _The Daily Mail_,
"are to enjoy the benefits of extraterritoriality." It sounds a lot,
but we were afraid it was going to be something much more expensive
than that.

***

"In a month," says a news item, "fourteen abandoned babies have been
found in London." Debauched, no doubt, by the movies.

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE MORNING AFTER THE BURGLARY. "AND HE'S LEFT THE
LIGHT ON!"]

* * * * *

A STRIKING ADVERTISEMENT.

"Negib Fahmy, Assistant Goods Manager Egyptian State Railways,
was attacked by a discharged railway poster a short time
ago."--_Egyptian Gazette_.

* * * * *

"On Sunday morning the engine of the Paris-Marseilles express on
arriving at the Gare de Lyon mounted the platform and only came
to a standstill in front of the buffet."--_Times_.

Machinery nowadays exhibits almost human intelligence.

* * * * *

"BOURNEMOUTH.--Delicate or Chronic Lady received in
charming house."--_British Weekly_.

In the new army a gentleman may be "temporary;" but once a lady always
a lady.

* * * * *

THE HUN AS IDEALIST.

A guileless nation, very soft of heart,
Keen to embrace the whole wide world as brothers,
Anxious to do our reasonable part
In reparation of the sins of others,
We note with pained surprise
How little we are loved by the Allies.

What if the Fatherland was led astray
From homely paths, the scene, of childlike gambols,
Lured to pursue Ambition's naughty way
(And incidentally make earth a shambles),
All through a wicked Kaiser--
Are they, for that blind faul