ontractors to His Majesty's Goverment.'"

* * * * *

[Illustration: "HOW WAS IT YOU NEVER LET YOUR MOTHER KNOW YOU'D WON
THE V.C.?"

"IT WASNA MA TURRN TAE WRITE."]

* * * * *

"Wanted, by middle-aged Lady, position of trust, Housekeeper,
Companion, widower, lady, priest."--_Irish Paper_.

We suppose it is all right, but a hasty reader might well take it for
another sex problem.

* * * * *

THE TWO VISITS, 1888, 1919.

("_DISPERSAL AREAS, 10A, 10B, 10C--CRYSTAL PALACE._")

It was, I think, in '88
That Luck or Providence or Fate
Assumed the more material state
Of Aunt (or Great-Aunt) Alice,
And took (the weather being fine
And Bill, the eldest, only nine)
Three of us by the Brighton line
To see the Crystal Palace.

Observe us, then, an eager four
Advancing on the Western Door
Or possibly the Northern, or--
Well, anyhow, advancing;
Aunt Alice bending from the hips,
And Bill in little runs and trips,
And John with frequent hops and skips,
While I was fairly dancing.

Aunt Alice pays; the turnstile clicks,
And with the happy crowds we mix
To gaze upon--well, I was six,
Say, getting on for seven;
And, looking back on it to-day,
The memories have passed away--
I find that I can only say
(Roughly) to gaze on heaven.

Heaven it was which came to pass
Within those magic walls of glass
(Though William, like a silly ass,
Had lost my bag of bull's-eyes).
The wonders of that wonder-hall!
The--all the things I can't recall,
And, dominating over all,
The statues, more than full-size.

Adam and Niobe were there,
DISRAELI much the worse for wear,
Samson before he'd cut his hair,
Lord BYRON and Apollo;
A female group surrounded by
A camel (though I don't know why)--
And all of them were ten feet high
And all, I think, were hollow.

These gods looked down on us and smiled
To see how utterly a child
By simple things may be beguiled
To happiness and laughter;
It warmed their kindly hearts to see
The joy of Bill and John and me
From ten to lunch, from lunch to tea,
From tea to six or after.

That evening, when the day was dead,
They tucked a babe of six in bed,
Arranged the pillows for his head,
And saw the lights were shaded;
Too sleepy for the Good-night kiss
His o