hrifty?--By making the most of his thyme,
and by always putting some celery in the bank.

Why is it probable that beer was made in the Ark?--Because the
kangaroo went in with hops, and the bear was always bruin.

"What was the biggest thing you saw at the World's Fair?" asked a
wife of her husband.--"My hotel bill!" said he.

Why is C like a schoolmistress?--Because it forms lasses into
classes.

What is that which never asks any questions and yet requires many
answers?--The street-door.

If a man bumped his head against the top of a room, what article of
stationery would he be supplied with?--Ceiling whacks.
(Sealing-wax.)

Which is the longest word in the English language?--Smiles; because
there is a mile between the first and last letters.

Which is the oldest tree in England?--The Elder Tree.

How many sides are there to a tree?--Two, inside and out.

What is that which happens twice in a moment and not once in a
thousand years?--The letter M.

What sea would a man most like to be in on a wet day?--A dry attic.
(Adriatic.)

Why is coffee like an axe with a dull edge?--Because it must be
ground before it is used.

What is the difference between a bottle of medicine and a
troublesome boy?--One is to be well shaken before taken, and the
other is to be taken and then shaken.

What makes more noise than a pig under a gate?--Two pigs.

When is a door not a door?--When it is a-jar.

What is the difference between a naughty boy and a
postage-stamp?--Because one you stick with a lick, and the other you
lick with a stick.

Why did William Tell shudder when he shot the apple from his son's
head?--Because it was an arrow escape for his child.

What is that which the more you take from it the larger it grows?--A
hole.

What is the best land for little kittens?--Lapland.

Why should a man always wear a watch when he travels in a waterless
desert?--Because every watch has a spring in it.

Of what trade is the sun?--A tanner.

What relation is a doormat to a door?--Step-fa(r)ther.

What is that which you cannot hold ten minutes, although it is as
light as a feather?--Your breath.

What is the worst weather for rats and mice?--When it rains cats and
dogs.

What is that which never uses its teeth for eating purposes?--A
comb.

When are two apples alike?--When pared.

What is the difference between a blind