nt
robbing the industries for the benefit of the idle and thriftless.

Philpot had by this time finished his bread and cheese, and, having
taken a final draught of tea, he rose to his feet, and crossing over to
the corner of the room, ascended the pulpit, being immediately greeted
with a tremendous outburst of hooting, howling and booing, which he
smilingly acknowledged by removing his cap from his bald head and
bowing repeatedly. When the storm of shrieks, yells, groans and
catcalls had in some degree subsided, and Philpot was able to make
himself heard, he addressed the meeting as follows:

'Gentlemen: First of all I beg to thank you very sincerely for the
magnificent and cordial reception you have given me on this occasion,
and I shall try to deserve your good opinion by opening the meeting as
briefly as possible.

'Putting all jokes aside, I think we're all agreed about one thing, and
that is, that there's plenty of room for improvement in things in
general. (Hear, hear.) As our other lecturer, Professor Owen, pointed
out in one of 'is lectures and as most of you 'ave read in the
newspapers, although British trade was never so good before as it is
now, there was never so much misery and poverty, and so many people out
of work, and so many small shopkeepers goin' up the spout as there is
at this partickiler time. Now, some people tells us as the way to put
everything right is to 'ave Free Trade and plenty of cheap food. Well,
we've got them all now, but the misery seems to go on all around us all
the same. Then there's other people tells us as the 'Friscal Policy'
is the thing to put everything right. ("Hear, hear" from Crass and
several others.) And then there's another lot that ses that Socialism
is the only remedy. Well, we all know pretty well wot Free Trade and
Protection means, but most of us don't know exactly what Socialism
means; and I say as it's the dooty of every man to try and find out
which is the right thing to vote for, and when 'e's found it out, to do
wot 'e can to 'elp to bring it about. And that's the reason we've gorn
to the enormous expense of engaging Professor Barrington to come 'ere
this afternoon and tell us exactly what Socialism is.

''As I 'ope you're all just as anxious to 'ear it as I am myself, I
will not stand between you and the lecturer no longer, but will now
call upon 'im to address you.'

Philpot was loudly applauded as he descended from the pulpit, and in
resp